She carefully stepped onto the grass. She hadn’t been down here for a few days. She was awfully shaken up. Her mind was going crazy. She believed that everyone was out to get her. She swallowed harshly and stared into the red sky. She bit her lip and shook her head.
She didn’t believe in God or anything else. She was an atheist. But that didn’t stop her from shaking her head at whoever was up there- if there was anyone there at all- and wiping tears from her eyes. It was their fault that she was like this. It was their fault that she was so, so broken. It was their fault that she was drowning from within herself.
She had no pen or paper today, just her, in her broken and aching body. She did not sit today. She danced around in the fading sunshine. She danced around…while inside she was dying.
She finally stopped when she was out of breath. There was no end to this was there? She sighed and fell to the ground underneath the tree. She reached for the comfort of the swings rope and her hand dropped. She turned her eyes toward it in disbelief. She glanced upwards and shook her head and her mouth moved with a billion and ten no’s.
Everything seemed to be taken from her. Her Pop, her Grandad, and every single best friend she had ever had. Even now, she despised going to school because somehow, someone would find a way to make her day hell. A friend would ignore her. Someone would start a rumour that she hated someone. Someone would ruin everything.
No one ever waited for her. No one wanted to talk to her. No one wanted to be with her. No one liked her. No one loved her. Her entire life seemed to be made up of no one and nothing except her lonely, dark and struggling self.
She longed for everything to end. She longed for peace. She longed to not feel anything- not love, not heartbreak, not even happiness because her happiness only ever lasted for a short amount of time before it turned to sadness- she longed for her eyes to close and never open again.
She thought she was strong enough to stay but she really didn’t know anymore.
Sometimes she would listen to music for hours at a time. People said she would regret it later and her hearing would be damaged but she waved it off. At least she wouldn’t have to hear her tormenters every day. At least she wouldn’t have to hear herself cry every night.