If Tomorrow Never Comes

If I die tonight what will it mean?

Will the world mourn?

Will I be missed?

I doubt it.

 

What have I done with my life?

What impact have I had?

What have I done to be remembered?

Nothing.

 

If I die tonight I will be mourned by a few.

I won’t be remembered by the world.

I won’t be missed.

I don’t doubt this.

 

I have done nothing of note with my life.

I’ve had no noticeable impact on the world.

I won’t be remembered.

Nothing to remember.

 

I am 20 and have spent my time thus far in schools preparing for life,

But what if there is no life?

If I die tonight, won’t my life have been a waste?

Won’t I have been a waste?

 

I sit here waiting for life to start,

But what if my life is nearly over?

Each second I draw closer to the end.

How much longer do I have?

 

This keeps me up at night.

I stare at the ceiling, wondering, imagining.

I imagine making an impact on the world.

I imagine meaning something.

 

As I wonder and imagine it strikes me,

I want to make a difference by leading.

I want to lead by example.

I want to inspire.

 

I often wish that I was born in a simpler time.

A time where I could thrive.

A time without technology.

A time of fighting.

 

In all of my imaginings I lead.

I lead an army, a group of fighters.

I inspire hope and awe in people.

I inspire fear in people.

 

That last bit scares me.

Do I really want to make a difference that badly?

So badly that I would want to be feared?

Do I want to be hated in memory?

 

Then I consider ending it now.

Don’t leave them something to hate.

Don’t give them a chance to fear.

Help them forget me.

 

But the thought of ending in obscurity,

That is more terrifying than wanting to be feared.

I don’t want my end to be dull,

I want to go out in a blaze.

 

I just want to do something that matters.

I want to make a difference to this world.

I want to be remembered.

I want a legacy to leave behind.

 

The seconds slip away,

All I do is write this.

If I die tonight,

I deserve it.

 

Don’t I?

The End

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