Have you ever thought Man I screwed up there well. I feel like that everyday. But I got a chance to change that I could change one mistake . . . called Kayla
Chapter 1: Love is a Pain I wish I had never felt . . . .
Our lips met and I felt my cheeks flush my hand growing warm as I felt her cheeks flush beneath my fingers.
Maybe I should start from the beginning which oddly enough is where we are. Except where it began I didn't kiss her. I didn't take that one in a lifetime chance to finally be with the girl I loved. No in this time line I turned her down.
Tuesday 20thof July 2010: End of summer term. 3:15pm
I was walking with the girl I used to love away from school leaving another year of emotional, mental and physical pain behinds us. Her hair glimmered in the summer light and her deep blue eyes were full of thought as we made our way through the crowds towards the oval centre Staring down at my feet counting the stones underfoot. Neither of us said a word Kayla had said enough already.
"I like you . . . . in that way" the words streaked across my mind like a star I remember her rosy cheeks growing redder as she hid her face in her jumper. I jumped back to the present day when I heard her voice again.
"Jord?" she paused she had stopped a few feet behind me "are you coming Club or not?" I looked to see her hand was clutching the door to the oval centre I nodded and agreed. Walking through the modern interior we opened the door to the room where we normally go on a Tuesday afternoon. Instead of it being full of life and teenagers chatting about the outcomes of the week behind them it was empty . . . our footsteps echoing as we walked to the orange sofas so old you just about fell through them as you sat down. I lay across one expecting her to take the other one as we waited for the others to arrive, but instead she curled up on top off me her head resting on my chest. I wanted to ask her what she was doing she knew about Karen she knew I had slept with her and that I loved her why was she acting like this. Again I feel like I should rewind a bit a few days ago my girlfriend at the time had left to visit friends in South Africa and I missed her so much. But as I lay there with the girl I had fallen in love with 3 years ago all thoughts of my girlfriend left my mind I suddenly thought "shit I'm falling in love with her again" I tried to recall Erin the colour of her eyes, Brown but the sky replaced them. I tried to recall her short soft and dark hair, but a wave of gold took its place. I tried to remember her skin the way it seemed to shine when light hit it, but again it was replaced by the skin of the girl who lay across my chest. Then I made mistake number 1, I started Talking about Karen.
"I really love her you know" my voice sounded normal but it was on the verge of breaking.
"I know" she didn't look at me.
"you know one time . . . ." and it continued like so until I made mistake number 2, I checked the time 5:30 I was supposed to set off home an hour ago. "Sorry I got to go." As I tried to sit up she pushed me down
"no I like this" her eyes met mine and my heart kicked its way out of my chest screaming at me KISS HER YOU IDIOT I listened to my head for the first time in months and fought the urge too. I pushed her up so we were sitting up this was followed by a steady stream of "no!" and "Why do you have to go?!" when I eventually managed to stand up we fell against the other sofa her hands on my chest her legs either side of my own. Now my hormones were screaming at me KISS HER YOU IDIOT and again I listened to my head . . . no not that head the one that's above my shoulders .I stood to leave and she wrapped herself around me. Again pressing herself to my chest , I knew she could feel my heart beat.
"If you leave I'll kiss you!" she called out. The world suddenly fell away beneath me all there was, was me and her and the echo of what she said. Standing there in the centre of the room with her arms around me even my head was screaming at me KISS HER YOU IDIOT we stood there for what seemed like hours me looking down at her "I'm sorry I shouldn't of said that" she murmured.
"Come on I'll walk you home" I offered. She let go of me and we made our way back to her house. As she walked to the front door and watched her as she opened her door and smiled at me. That beautiful enticing sexy smile.
"Its official I'm an idiot" I whispered to myself.
WE WARNED YOU BUT WOULD YOU LISTEN? The voices spoke together it's good to know I share my brain with three other people.