A rainbow; a deadly rainbow of dull pinks, blues, whites, reds, and greens. Company names emblazed on some, a soft powder gathered on others. They were scattered on my bathroom counter, their previous containers tossed carelessly in the direction of the garbage. It didn’t matter where they landed.
I reached for a pill blindly and rolled it gently between my fingers. I looked up to match my reflection in the mirror. My long, curly blonde hair was unruly from the times I’d run my fingers through it in consideration. There were dark circles under my blue grey eyes which were wide despite my recent lack of sleep. My eyes traveled down to the tiny pill in my hand. A Tylenol. A pill for pain relief.
And wasn’t that what I was doing? Relieving myself – and others – of pain caused by my existence?
I set the pill back on the counter with its numerous brothers. My hand grasped for a cup and I filled it with water. My hand didn’t shake, no. It was steady and calm, like my heartbeat.
How many more beats? Will this hurt? Am I doing the right thing? Maybe –
I had made up my mind. This planet known as Earth would be far better off without the specimen known as Seattle Lisa Davis wasting someone else’s oxygen.
Quickly, before my mind tries to tempt me again, I grab a pill, and swallow it with a gulp of water. Again. Again. Again.
I continue this cycle until the pills gradually disappear from the counter. The fewer pills that remain, the slower my movements become. I swallow the last one with undaunted lethargy. Already the world has begun to tilt, to spin. I clasp a hand over my mouth as my stomach tries to regurgitate the drugs I have ingested. I stumble to my bedroom, nearly collapsing before I reach the bed. I draw the covers back and crawl in. The warm blankets welcome me as I curl in their embrace. My eyes close as I settle down for a very, very long nap.