There was nothing before me but a vast emptiness of white, untainted by the touch of life, other than my own. There was nobody here. I supported not a single soul except my own, but it felt great.
"Alone," I said. It sounded strange to me now that it had taken on a new meaning. I was literally in a nonexisting realm devoid of all life. I took a deep breath--one unshaken from the grasp of anxiety and stress. Somehow I was calm, but at the same time, nervous.
"Sebastian," called a voice. It sounded like my own, but I knew I hadn't spoken. Soon, it spoke again in a more stern tone. "You stand before me in purgatory as a result of your death: suicide by hanging. Before your place is determined I must ask you, what did you hope to achieve from your actions?"
"Escape. I was constricted. I felt no happiness, and even when I did it was just familiarity in disguise. I'd forgotten true happiness, and if I get to where I long to be, maybe I'll know it again."
"And by doing so, you've ended the happiness of others who cared about you."
"Those others were still the cause of my dissatisfacton... and if my absence causes them sorrow, I hope they'll get over it soon because I did what was needed to make me happy. That's all that matters. We live to please ourselves."
"Yet during your whole life you lived for the sake of others. What happened to that?"
"Realization happened. The realization that picking someone up doesn't lift your own feet off the ground. I guess I just ran out of strength to pick up others."
"Perhaps. And you are sure of your choice to end your life on Earth?"
"There's no going back now, so yes. I'm sure."
"I'll give you the choice to go back--if you really want to."
"No. I want to move on. I need to."
"Very well. The decision is final."
At those final words, the voice was silenced. The emptiness of this realm ended as fields of grass were laid out before me. The white above me shrunk, blotted out by a bright blue, and the strange presence I felt before me was met by a man with enormous wings standing beside a golden gate.
"Welcome, Sebastian. We've been awaiting your arrival," said the man with the wings.
"Waiting for me? How long?" I asked, approaching him. He smiled, his beard curving around the crescent of his revealing teeth.
"Long enough," he said. "Long enough."
I looked up at the gate that towered before me. The man with wings extended his arm and the gate opened to more fields with greener grass and bluer skies. I walked in, greeted by another man with wings. He hovered, flapping the wings to achieve this. As he approached me he smiled with protruding cheeks. He spoke with a kind voice.
"Greetings Sebastian. Welcome to Heaven."