Today is my first day at college. I've always been one of those guys, who just wants to live a normal life. But, my studies have always hindered my dreams. I'm afraid, about my career, my life, my future - everything! But, I meet someone, who changes me, and my life.........
Today is my first day at college. I've always been one of those guys, who just wants to live a normal life. But, my studies have always hindered my dreams. I'm afraid, about my career, my life, my future - everything!
My dad works at a local shop, my mom's a housewife. And like every other parents in India, they just want me to "settle down"! but, they don't understand the burden and pressure, that these two simple words have put on me for 18 years. I've scored 86% in the entrance exam, 4th highest. I've been a brilliant student all my life, but, it's not the marks that put the burden on me, it's the mere thought of "settling down"! In India, when you return home after giving a test, any test, your parents don't ask, "How was the test?", they say, "Remember, don't let us down!"!
Iwas frustrated, even a bit depressed, about my life, about myself, but, couldn't show it. Reason - I was afraid! Afraid that, if i go to sleep in the night at 12, instead of 1.30, i might just "let my parents down"! I'm even afraid to dream, fearing, that my dreams may lead to me "letting my parents down"!
But, a man's greatest talent is his imagination! No matter how hard you try, you cannot kill it! It's somewhat Immortal! At least, as long as you live. And, where there's imagination, there's dreams.
I too have dreams, i love writing. Not from now, from when I was 7.
when I was 15, I published my first poem in my school's yearly magazine. Out of 150 poems, only 10 were selected and published. I felt, I was at the top of the world!
I rushed home to show my dad. I remember, he didn't even read the full poem. He smiled and said, " You're just a kid, but you'll learn that these words may be beautiful, but in reality, they are just that, "words"! And son, words cannot make you stand on your own feet! Hope you know what I'm saying?"
Next year, when my class teacher asked why haven't I submitted any poem this year, I stood up, looked down, thoughts circling my head, tears trying to burst out of my eyes, I said, "Mam, I don't write anymore!"
I have bundles of paper on my desk, scribbled with words which are "beautiful", but cannot "make me stand on my own feet". Sometimes, I think, I don't to stand, I don't want to run in this chase of someone else's dreams. I have my own. But then again, I'm afraid!
(to be contd.)