You don’t know what it’s like in my head. I’m a prisoner of my own mind. I’m living on a one dimension plane. I’m the line that’s stretches oh so far but only in one direction. I want to change but I don’t have the slightest idea of what change actually is. She whispers, “I’m going to bed, good night and sweet dreams”. But I wake up every morning yearning to be different then before and do nothing about it and wonder why. I float through life as if I’m made to instead of want to. I end the day reflecting on the time I’ve wasted doing nothing then I realize why I have no friends, no life, no job, no motivation. The cycle repeats.
The person I’ve let myself feel a little free with and I’ve confided in has left me like I’m a pariah to float away and restore herself. I’m sitting pondering the question of why I crave sleep but it slips through my fingers just as my hand closes its grip. I’m in pursuit of happiness but I’m left feeling like I’m supposed to pursue it and not actually obtain it. Do you know what it’s like to see dreams form themselves around you just to crumble as you start your ascent? They tease as if to say “I’m what you desperately long for but you will NEVER get to call your own.” I walk alone; head down, in a pale grey sea. Every step leads to atrophy. A body made for conquest now a pawn on a worthless stage.