The fact that Cai had just killed a person hadn’t quite settled in yet, at the time, all I cared about was getting my arm fixed. I had lost a lot of blood and the room was starting to spin. I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t get dizzy. I was about to black out from the pain and blood loss when I heard Cai’s voice.
“Did you honestly think I was going to kill you?”
“I didn't realize that it was you at first and being beaten to death doesn't really sound like fun.”
“I guess not. Don’t worry, I won’t ever do that to you.”
“Yeah, I promise. Can you walk?”
“I think so.”
“I’d try to fix your arm here, but you’d probably smack me in the face. It’ll be easier to do back at the warehouse where someone can help me.”
At this, I stood up and began to walk towards the door. My arm still hurt pretty badly, but the bleeding had stopped and I was no longer as dizzy, so I managed to walk the rest of the way back to the warehouse with Cai. We must have looked pretty beat up, because when we walked through the door, Spenser immediately stood up and Jeremy quickly followed. Cai walked me to a chair and pushed me into it. He told Spenser, “She got her arm pulled out of socket, will you hold her down while I pop it back in? Oh, by the way, she saw me kill someone and hasn’t gone into shock yet, so it’ll be any time now.” He then looked at me and said simply, “This is gonna hurt.”
That was an understatement.
Words cannot describe the pain of having your arm put back in its socket. It’s not fun, I don’t recommend it. End of story.
After my arm was repaired, I sat in the chair for several moments, trying to regain my composure. As the pain subsided, the events of the past hour hit me like a huge wave.
Needless to say, I panicked. My body started to shake and I began to hyperventilate. Everyone in the room looked at me as I stood up and began to tear at my hair. Cai tried to come over to calm me down, but I freaked out even more. Spenser backed away from me like I was going to kill him or something. Jeremy just looked at me and said, “Let’s take a walk,” and he put his arm around my waist and led me gently to the door like a gentleman.
The night was cool and I felt a bit better as soon as I stepped outside. Jeremy led me down the road in silence. After a few minutes, I could breathe again, even though my shaking hadn’t stopped yet. Jeremy reached into his jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Want a cancer stick?” he asked. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have taken one, but I was really stressed out. “Yeah, sure.” I replied. He pulled out a lighter, a nice one, it was metal, with the tarot card "death" on it. He lit my cigarette and his own, then put the lighter back in his pocket.
After taking a drag on the cigarette, he looked at me and said, “You’re not the usual type we get down here. Most of the people we get working for us are runaways and people that are just as sick and twisted as I am. You puzzle me, you really do. You look like some straight-edge, catholic school girl, and that makes me curious. How the hell did you get involved with drugs in the first place?”
I guess he was asking for my life story. Well, he wasn’t about to get it. But somehow, I trusted him. Jeremy was different from Cai, Spenser and definitely James. Arlais had her own past to reckon with, so I didn’t judge her. There was just something about Jeremy, it was just the gut feeling that you could trust him, whether you knew him that well or not. This overwhelming sense of trust must have taken over my mind, because somehow I heard myself telling him everything. He didn’t comment, he just stood there and listened. Maybe if someone had done that in the beginning, I wouldn’t be here.
When I reached the end of my tale, he stood silently for a moment before saying, “That’s pretty sad. At least you have a reason...well...a good reason. I don’t. In my case, you could just blame it on genetics. A pretty dumb excuse, eh?”
All this time, I’d been trying to use what happened as an excuse for doing drugs. All this time, I had seen myself as the victim. Suddenly, I wasn’t the victim anymore. I was the only one responsible for my actions, and I needed to face that. Everything hit me, the guilt, the pain, the fear. I’d been holding back tears for so long, I couldn’t stop them anymore. I cried. That’s right, I stood in the street and cried. The tears wouldn’t stop coming, they just came pouring out of me. Jeremy stood next to me and kept smoking his cigarette. He looked away from me, he was trying to ignore my shame. He reached the end of the cigarette. I saw him throw it into the dirt and grind it out with his foot. I was still crying, it didn’t feel like I would ever stop.
Then the strangest thing happened.
I was standing there with my face buried im my hands when Jeremy hugged me. He didn’t hold on very long before jumping back and looking at the ground like he was embarrassed. I was so shocked, that I stopped crying right then. As I stood there in complete disbelief, Jeremy looked at me and said, “I guess I’m not very good at comforting people, I just end up scaring them. But, I do have a bit of advice that you might find helpful: Don’t worry about tomorrow, ‘cause it probably won’t come. Just live your life as it comes along. And when you die, make sure you’ve got no regrets.”
At this, he just turned away and began to walk back to the warehouse.