Cai and I arrived at the first house after walking for about twenty minutes down the gray and dismal street. Looking back, I realize that it probably wasn’t the street that was gray and dismal, it was me. It’s like I had gone and grabbed a shovel and begun to dig my own grave. The hole wasn’t that deep yet, but it was getting deeper. This wasn’t the first time I had begun to have doubts; I had been having them all along. They whispered in my ear, they gave me no rest, but I knew I had come too far to turn back. I hadn't gone far enough to be a nobody, but too far to go back to being Morgan Carley. She was someone else, she was someone that would never look at alcohol, and would never dream of shooting up heroin. Morgan Carley did as she was told. She was the star child, the daughter that everyone wished they had. For too long she had been chained by the expectations of society, yet somehow, through pain and drugs, she had found a place where maybe she didn’t have to be so perfect.
I realized that I didn’t have to try very hard to look like an angel as soon as I saw Demelza’s house. I had no idea how it managed to remain upright. Shingles were falling off the roof, the door was off its hinges, one of the windows looked as if it had been shot out, and the rest of the house was also in varying stages of disrepair. It’s a miracle that the whole thing hadn’t been condemned. I hadn’t even met the woman living inside, yet somehow, I felt sorry for her. She gave up everything just so that she could have the drugs. What kind of person would do that?
Cai continued to walk up the driveway that connected the house to the rest of the world. When he reached the door, he knocked. The door was opened by a small woman that looked sick and underfed. Her arms were bruised, and in some places, bloody from sticking a syringe in her arm. She was a mess. Her hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a very long time and there was dirt under her ragged, bitten nails.
Demelza went over to a small box and carefully lifted the lid. I noticed that her hands were shaking horribly. She took a small parcel out of the box and brought it over to Cai. Cai carefully took the parcel and handed over the drugs. The entire deal was done in silence. Until we were about to walk out the door. At the last minute Cai turned and said softly, so softly that I almost missed it, “I’ll bring you more on Tuesday, mom.”
She really had given up everything, even her own son.