MacDoozle was ready to give up, throw in the towel, bail out, cry uncle and make the fat lady sing. Of course none of that was an option, so MacDoozle looked for his next bumbling idiot- er, witness.
A small middle aged man sat in a cushy chair close to MacDoozle. He wore a hawaiian flowered shirt under a gray dresscoat with a badly tied bow tie. The man didn't seem to be wearing any pants.
The detective sighed and waved the man over. The man-who-wears-no-pants caught MacDoozles eye and cocked his head like a small dog expecting a treat. He looked around and after seeing no one was near him started his way across the twenty feet of open floor space, stopped halfway, thought for a second and returned to his chair.
MacDoozle scratched his left ear because that's what he did when he was extremely frustrated, tired and wanted his mother. The detective crossed the space and asked the man-who-seemed-not-to-be-wearing-pants-but-infact-was his name because it was very tiring for him and the narrator to address the man-who-seemed-not-to-be-wearing-pants-but-infact-was in this fashion.
The man looked up and furrowed his brow at the officer of the law.
"Name?" repeated MacDoozle.
"Whose?" replied the man in a half scottish half british but fully confused accent.
"My what?" asked the extremely befuddled man.
MacDoozle was losing it.
"WHAT IS YOUR GOD DAMN NAME?"
"You don't have to shout. My name is Archi Archibald The..." The man stopped to count on his fingers, shook his head and began counting again. He suddenly stopped furrowed his brow and relaxed happily in the chair.
MacDoozle wrote Archi Achibald The Last because he was about to strangle this flummoxed middle aged man with the attention span of a dead rat.
"Did you see the robbery?" MacDoozle succeed in controlling his tone.
The man looked very taken aback.
"A robbery?" Archi looked around profusely. "When?"
"I'll take it then you didn't see the robbers?"
"The robbers? Oh yes them. They talked like this, see? Ya, see ya! They had these big guns that went a-ratta-tat-tat." At this point Macdoozle was leaning in closer, his note pad in hand.
"There was one big guy, one small guy and one with a mustache that looked like canneloni." Then Archi went into deep detail about how they'd come in guns blazing- This wiped the sliver of a smile right off MacDoozles face. There wasn't a single leaf out of place on the fake plants or a spec of dust on the floor.
Archi suddenly stopped.
"May I help you officer?"
"Not unless you know anything useful about why none of these damn witnesses agree with each other..."
"Oh that's easy!" exclaimed Archibald.
MacDoozles right eyebrow shot up so fast it almost left his face.
"Well what?" asked the perturbed man.
MacDoozle threw his notepad through the nearest window.