Who calls me Beautiful?
Do I believe them?
Who calls me ugly?
Well when I look in the mirror I see the girl who has be defiled, disrespected, hurt, used…
I see unholy, unclean, unworthy.
The memories of those acts have scarred me.
I can’t let it go.
I wish I could.
I want to forget.
It’s hard to go on.
I sometimes don’t want to.
I can’t close my eyes without an image popping into my head.
I see them everywhere.
When I hear kids say “lets play house” I die a little.
When someone touches my ponytail I cry.
When superbowl comes along I cant get out of bed.
I’m trapped in a cycle of those times happening over and over again!
I just want to be free.
To be rid of the thoughts and feelings.
I want to look in the mirror and se the beauty God made.
I want to eat and not feel guilty.
To feel joy without having to hurt myself because I don’t feel I deserve it!!!
….i just don’t know how.