Who calls me Beautiful?

many people.

 Do I believe them?

 No.

 Who calls me ugly?

 I do…

 Why?

 Well when I look in the mirror I see the girl who has be defiled, disrespected, hurt, used…

 I see unholy, unclean, unworthy.

 The memories of those acts have scarred me.

 Literally.

 I hurt.

 I can’t let it go.

 I wish I could.

 I want to forget.

 It’s hard to go on.

 I sometimes don’t want to.

 I can’t close my eyes without an image popping into my head.

 I see them everywhere.

 When I hear kids say “lets play house” I die a little.

 When someone touches my ponytail I cry.

 When superbowl comes along I cant get out of bed.

 I’m trapped in a cycle of those times happening over and over again!

I just want to be free.

 To be rid of the thoughts and feelings.

 I want to look in the mirror and se the beauty God made.

 I want to eat and not feel guilty.

 To feel joy without having to hurt myself because I don’t feel I deserve it!!!

….i just don’t know how.

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