I understood her pain, her loss, her gains. I understood her.
Nobody understood her pain. Nobody could grasp her level of aggravation with herself. Nobody could even begin to comprehend how someone at such a small age could feel so much and suffer so much. Nobody got the fact that she had to grow up by herself without much guidance. Nobody would listen to her when she spoke. Nobody loved her. Nobody wanted her.
But I understood her pain; that she was hurting. But I grasped her level of aggravation; that no one could live happily with a life like that. I understood that even though she may be young that she understood more than I might ever even fathom. I understood that growing up is almost essential in her circumstances without aid, even though it may seem impossible. But I listened when she shared her thoughts. I loved her. I wanted her. I understood.
I understood life practically is the equivalent of a mountain. I understood that not everyone could reach the top of the mountain; that sometimes there were those who were unlucky enough to fall. I understood that not everyone had the support, the equipment, to keep themselves hitched for the ride. I understood.
I understood that some do reach the top of the mountain; and that they may fall off as well, or it turns out there is another mountain waiting even higher. I understood that even if you don’t succeed in your climb, that you are not a less important being, just misguided or not as fortunate. I understood.
Her mountain was taller, steeper, and one hundred times more jagged than mine. Her support system was one to nothing. She never did make it to the top of her mountain; even when she felt at her highest. She was not a failure although she felt she was. She was a winner; a pure winner.
Our lives may not always seem as well planned as they could be. She knew what it felt like. Our support system always had our friends and family involved; all she had was me, and she didn’t even know it. We naturally reach our tip-of-the-mountains; but not all do.
I had the feeling, the urge, but no will-power to tell her. I felt the energy within me to do so, but I couldn’t. I needed to tell her. I understood.