I need a coffee

You know how it is… the husband comes home late, disturbs you all night with his drunken snoring, and just as you finally doze off the kids take on the baton and begin their rallying cry.

The toddler decides that 5.15am on a Saturday morning is a perfect time to try attempt his next assault of Mount Cot-side.  Wind speed is low, the sun is up, and conditions are perfect.   He makes it to the summit through some nifty footwork and a big heave – but then gets stuck on the descent, and suddenly in the blink of an eye our intrepid explorer does his best ‘petrified kitten stuck in a tree’ impression – clinging to the top of the cot rail too scared to fall either way.  So he calls for his equivalent of the fire brigade  "MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUmmmmmMMMMuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” at a vocal level that totally defies his size.  I should think every Mum in our village started to respond before realising that it wasn’t their child in need!

‘Mum’ is deployed to commence ‘Cot-side’ rescue.  It’s a nerve grinding experience all accompanied by the continuing air raid siren of wailing from our now not so heroic explorer.  Finally fingers are unfurled from the top of Mount Cot-side and a managed descent is carried out until our hero is wrapped into a dressing gown hug.  After a while the air raid siren screaming is replaced with a gentle hiccupping.  Negotiations then commence to persuade our hero back to bed.  Peace talks fail and it is accepted that morning has arrived.  So we head to the kitchen…in search of food for him and a strong cup of coffee for Mum.


Peering out of bleary eyes it seems that it’s actually a nice Saturday morning, the sun is shining, the sky is blue .. it has the promise of a beautiful summers day to come ….a day to make you feel good.  A day to start with a proper cup of coffee.  Not just a quick cup of instant  - a cup of the real whoosh-whoosh-shhh-shh-and other various noised coffee machine made coffee. 

It's probably something to do with lack of sleep but suddenly that coffee is just what I need to make the day right.  I root around in the back of the fridge, emerging triumphant with a small bag of coffee granules.  Not sure how long they’ve been there … but I’m sure there’s no need to worry about sell by dates before 6am.

After some more rummaging around in the back of another cupboard the coffee machine emerges with only limited dust covering and spider webs.  Not to be deterred I dismantle it all, wash it all off and put it all back together.  Water loaded, coffee added.  Plugged in …and switched on.  Slight re alignment of plugs to switches and hey presto a light comes on. The pot starts to simmer … we’re in business!

By now the big kid is up as well and the start of the daily battle has commenced over who should have the TV handset.  When will they learn to work as a team?  Full on battle commences – all in hushed whispers so as not to wake Dad ….eventually my fingers curl round the handset and we all settle down on the sofa to watch ‘Mum’s choice’.  I’m sure they’ll learn one day that with a bit of cooperation they can get to watch some kids TV.

I sniff … there’s the coffee… Mmm smells good. Although there appears to be a lot of noise coming from the kitchen.  I’m sure the pot amidst its usual coughs, splutters and gurgles doesn’t normally rattle and crackle.  I'll leave it a bit longer.  More gurgles and crackles, spitting and hissing… I’m sure something isn’t quite right so still in a sleep deprived desperate for coffee state I head back to the kitchen.

A grenade has gone off!  It must have done…something has gone terribly wrong.  There are coffee granules and boiling water everywhere!  The pot is still spitting and spewing water and coffee across the kitchen.  Arming myself with nothing but a wet wipe and dressing gown I head into the fray.

The pot must be cracked (but then aren’t we all?) is my first assumption. How else can coffee be leaking out everywhere.  I grab the machine to put it in the sink working on damage limitation.  Unfortunately I forget about the lead still firmly attached to the socket … more coffee and water flies through the air.  I’m now wearing a good proportion of the hot coffee and skating around the floor burning my feet on the rest.

I finally get it to the sink and commence operation clear up coffee.  I remove all the water, and coffee.  The pot seems fine.  So why was it leaking everywhere …There’s actually some coffee has made it to the pot so I figure at least I’ll get a small cup.  I pour it out and take a big swig and get a mouthful of coffee granules! Yeuch!

I puzzle over what on earth has gone wrong for a while until a silent force seems to call me back to the work surface.  My eyes scan the work top ...what is missing?!  Aargh that's it - The filter!  It’s there on the side!  It should be nestled nicely in the machine with the coffee in it. I'd forgotten!  I'd tipped coffee granuales straight into the machine! Brain registers that little ears are in the vicinity and inserts the equivalent of a bleep before mouth can utter something I'd regret later ...Double Argh!

I decide that it’s time for a coffee! … Think I’ll have an instant this time!

The End

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