Ash just wanted to be left alone. Was that so much to ask for from a girl who had lost everything? So what's up with this new guy that can't seem to leave her alone? And is he really all he seems to be?
I Love You, Prince
Darkness. Nothing. Cold. Afraid. Lonely. I could think of nothing more on that day. It was like any other day in the past months. Pointless. Nothing seemed to make sense. I did everything like a robot. I didn't feel I just did. It was like I was on auto pilot. Everything was done for me. My body moved and worked without me really noticing. It had been going on for too long to freak me out anymore.
Everything was black and white in my world. Right or wrong. There were no grey areas. The entire world was colourless and boring. No one talked to me, no one listened to me. Even within the sea of people; which is school, I felt all alone. I acted like I didn't care. On the outside, no one saw me draw out emotion. To me it was a weakness. A weakness I was not willing to possess.
I remember not having much sleep that night. I was awoken early in the morning by nightmares. Filled with my greatest fears. Regardless, I couldn't get back to sleep. Not that I wanted to anyway. Instead I just laid in bed. Resting and yet wide awake. It was the strangest feeling, but I didn't have time to contemplate it. I didn't have time for anyone or anything anymore. The events of those past few months had put my entire life into perspective. And nothing seemed important enough to even touch my priorities anymore.
I dressed into my uniform and had a glass of water. I didn't eat much. Petty things like my own needs seemed annoying and unimportant. Everyday was the same as the other. Just different people and places. These tiny details passed me by with the rest of the world and I just did what I could to find the will to stay alive. I just felt so empty. It really felt as if there was nothing inside me. Just weak bones and a pumping heart. All energy and emotion had been drained from me. Nothing. I truly knew how it felt to feel nothing.
I left for school pretty early. There was nothing else to do. Which is probably the reason why I was all alone in my huge school. Such a big empty space. Empty. Just like me.
I always walked to school. I didn't have any friends or relatives to take me by car and I had no money for a bike. Thankfully, my house wasn't too far away from the school either. I didn't mind walking, I had to walk everywhere else anyway. But details like the scenery around me past me by. Life had never been so boring.
I dropped off my bag in my form room when I arrived and went for a walk. As empty as I was, I was not going to sit in my form room for an hour; waiting for my classmates. I cared for no one. No one. Not even myself.
I was walking near the entrance of the school when I saw a car park outside the front. No, it was not a car; it was a limo. A sleek, black thing. Almost like a Persian cat. I was surprised to see it outside my school, the school wasn't anything special. If anything, those of us who lived there were poor. Poorer than most anyway. Still, I showed no emotion on my face. Life seems easier when you see it through a glass wall. I lived with that glass wall surrounding me. It kept out the pain and angst, but it also kept out the joy. This didn't seem to be much of a sacrifice at the time. I never thought I would come to regret it.
Two big males walked out of the limo. They were huge. Dressed in black suits and were both wearing black shades. They had visibly large muscles and had a very intimidating aura surrounding them. They were your stereotypical bodyguards. Were all bodyguards really like that? Regardless, these ones were. My face still did not react with emotion, but my body did. I couldn't move. My head was screaming for my to run away, but all I could do was stop and stare. My legs stood completely still and refused to budge. No matter how much I denied to myself, I was intrigued and wanted to stay. Whoever it was in that car, they were important.
Then another person stepped out of the limo from behind the bodyguards. A young man. Probably my age, maybe a little older. He had pale skin, it looked like ivory and was absolutely stunning when the sun hit it. He had the reddest hair you've ever seen. It wasn't orange or auburn it was red. It contrasted so well with his skin and his eyes. His eyes were the most brilliant emerald colour. They sparkled and danced in the light. He had a very girly face. Not as long and manly as most males. His cheekbones gave his face a perfect, slender shape. Many girls would be jealous of his face.
He was tall, but no lanky. He had a strong aura about him, yet he did not have much visible muscle. He had broad shoulders and long arms. Everything was proportioned well. Everything was right.
Everything was so... Perfect. He looked like a prince. Sculpted from ice.
Not only that, but it was like I was seeing light for the first time. Everything was full of colour, if only for a second. Black and white were gone. Blue, red and yellow were put in their place and for a second I could have sworn... I felt happy.
I was shocked. I hadn't reacted towards anything since... Since... Suddenly the young man's head turned. He was looking straight at me. It couldn't be possible. No one ever looked at me. Not anymore.
I ran. It was the only thing I could think about. 'Run away'. This guy, who was he? Whoever he was, I needed to avoid him, if he made me react like this; I never wanted to see him again. Ever. I had enough to cope with already. My life was in enough of a mess as it was. I needed no more complications.
I ran back to my form room, where I sat down and caught my breath. I needed to calm down. What had just happened... It was nothing. Nothing. It didn't matter. I was fine. Everything was back to black and white. Everything was normal.
Soon enough my classmates arrived and the tiny details began to pass me by again. Eventually, form started too. No one bothered me, so I never bothered them.
Form went quickly, at least to me, and I began to walk to my first lesson. I wrapped myself up in my own world. I acted like a didn't care and emotions passed me by. I tried to make everything seem effortless and easy. From the looks on my classmates faces when my test scores were read out, I did it well.
My first class was history. The only class I somewhat enjoyed. History. The subject that tells us of the past, how it affects the present and how it will be repeated in the future. The study of people. Yes, history was my favourite subject.
At that moment in time we were learning about the Holocaust. A very difficult subject to teach and I greatly respected my teacher. He taught it well. Still, it took all the effort I could find not to cry. The things I saw, the things I heard and the terrible things I read. Human nature is a very ugly thing. That was the greatest lesson I learnt.
It is harder to be kind and good than to be jealous and selfish. These things come naturally. So, naturally, human nature is a horrible, bad thing and there is nothing we can do about it. I had given up a long time ago.
I sat down in my seat when I walked into the room. I sat on the back table, on my own. Even though there was space for another person, no one ever sat near me. For that, I was grateful. I didn't need anyone else. I was independent. At least; I pretended to be.
The teacher walked in and gave us a big grin. I immediately felt the entire class relax. He was probably the favourite teacher in the school and we all treasured our lessons with him. Even though I didn't show it. I had learnt a lot from him.
“Before we start,” The teacher, named Mr. Wale, said. “I have a little surprise for you.” I barely heard what he was saying. Anything other than history, was of no interest to me. Still, the rest of the class 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed like little chicks. It was pathetic. “Allow me to introduce you to our new transfer student: Yuri Raven.”
'What an odd name.' I thought. 'Definitely not English.'
In walked in the young man I had seen earlier that morning. I swear, my heart skipped a beat. I had never considered the fact I might actually meet him again. That he might actually be attending my school. Not even that we might share classes. I scolded myself for being so stupid and looked down. I took deep breaths and counted to ten over and over again. I began to calm down. I could get over this. I had to. The fact that I was reacting to anyone in this way was so scary. So intimidating. It made me want to crawl into a corner and die. I just wanted to be alone.
I concentrated on the work in front of me. “Yuri, why don't you go sit next to Ash.” I tensed when I heard my name. The boy obeyed and sat next to me in silence. I was in shock, but I protected myself. I acted like nothing was out of the ordinary and flipped through my book. Thank goodness he didn't say anything. But I could still feel his stare boring through me. What on Earth was he looking at? I was just a normal girl, nothing special.
I ignored him, like everything else around me and was surprised at how easy it was. I managed to concentrate on my work. It was very interesting and we ended by watching a short video made by Mr. Wale. The content was shocking, but it was the music that caught me. A beautiful melody combining the lullaby of piano and violin. I was moved by the piece. I really was. Music was one of the few truly stunning human creations that I could not deny.
So at the end of the lesson I went to my teacher's desk. “Excuse me, Sir.”
“Ah, yes, Ash what is it?” He seemed surprised I was talking.
I pressed my lips together. “I was wondering what the piece of music on that video was. May I please have the name?”
“Of course, its a beautiful piece isn't it? Here, its called 'Spiele im Spiele' by 'Avro Part'.” He wrote it down for me. I thanked him and quickly left the room.
The rest of the day went quickly and smoothly. I wasn't bothered by Yuri. His good looks and witty personality ensured that he was surrounded by many people throughout the day. He didn't have time to be bothered with someone like me. Not that I was bothered by that or anything. I was in my usual corner, sitting and reading. Letting the world pass me by. Though, I did occasionally catch him glimpsing at me, like I was a mythical beast. An unknown yet fascinating creature. In short, it pissed me off.
I guess it is time to introduce myself. I mean, you don't even know who I am right now. My name is Ash Maiden. I am fifteen years old and currently in my final year of secondary school. I have long, dark hair. Its very dark brown, but it looks black. It reaches far down my back and stops around my waist. I usually just wear it down, but I used to put it up in all kinds of ways.
I have cerulean blue eyes and long eyelashes that tend to annoy me. I have a fairly pale complexion I would say, definitely paler than most. I would say that I am skinny, considering the fact I haven't eaten much in the past few months. So, that's me; normal teenager on the outside, messed up girl inside.
I decided to walk home that day, rather than taking the bus. I stopped off to buy a drink on my way home. I sipped my Cola as I looked around. It was a beautiful day, if only I would just notice it for once. Days went past so quickly, I barely noticed. Sometimes it felt as if the world was leaving me behind. Even if it did, I wouldn't notice. I sighed.
That was the first time I had noticed anything in the past few months. What was it about him? I shook my head, as if trying to clear my head of those thoughts. The more I thought about him, the more I wanted to know. This guy was dangerous. Definitely someone to avoid. That was just what I was going to do. If there was something I could do well at that moment in time, it was to go unnoticed. Everything was meant to be simple.
I brushed my hands through my long hair. That day had definitely been harder than most had been. I just had to put it behind me now.
I walked home in peace then. Everything was okay. I was relieved, almost happy. But I pushed out the emotion and concentrated on ignoring everything again. Thinking back now, I almost felt numb. No pain, but no gain. Nothing. I can truly say I know how it feels to feel nothing at all.
I changed when I returned home. I was sick of wearing my uniform. I felt a little better that day, so I ate a piece of buttered bread. I drank some orange juice too. I was so proud, I almost smiled. Almost. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I smiled. Smiling; the body language of happiness. Happiness was something I never felt. Not anymore.
I went to bed fairly early that night. Knowing I would soon wake up again. I went to sleep with the same feelings as when I had woken up. Nothing. Cold. Afraid. Lonely. Empty.