I have a Question.?

Something has been bothering me for a long time.

Yes, the eating disorder that preyed upon and robbed me of happiness for years bothered me... But what bothers me more is the questions that accompany it.

Yes, I was born with a mental tendency to have an eating disorder.

Yes, my brain focused and obsessed on a concept until it was my reality.

I have been told more times than I can count that the eating disorder is not my fault. That I am not to blame for this wicked disease.

So the question that pains me more than any others is this:

Is an eating disorder a sin?

And furthermore...

Is failure to completely recover a sin?

I mean, let's face it. By failing to sustain my body with food that is never in short supply... I'm depriving God's temple of nourishment.

I'm prioritizing image over God's creation- me.

But than again, I wasn't even thinking about how God felt about this eating disorder.

I didn't even know I had the eating disorder... Though I can't remember ever behaving normally.

Are some of the actions I took in the process of the eating disorder development sinful?

Yes.

But did I do them intentionally?

I don't know.

Did I know that my behavior would land me where it did?

No.

But even when I landed there... I didn't stop to reconsider my path.

At some point, I knew what I was doing. And I kept doing it.

My conclusion?

I have none.

Someday, I'll ask God what He thinks.

The End

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