This is a collaborative fiction about a group of survivors during a zombie apocalypse. There is a lot of explicit language. Don't take anything personally, none of the portrayed views are serious. Each section is titled with the name of its author. We wrote in an ordered Cycle.
I Don't Like To Read So...
OPRAH WINFREY 9/11
Let's start this story off right.
"Where the hell are we?" questioned Brian
"I don't know it’s kinda dark in here" said Matt
Ah yes, you two are in solitary confinement for your actions. However, once we sort out this mess you'll be free to go. Now let's begin our interesting tale, shall we?
Our story commences on a strange Stormy night in Florida.
The rain was rattling against the windows, the building shook in the stormy gale. Outside, the trees bent under the force of the wind. The survivors huddled together in the corner wondering who would be next. The offspring of a society so advanced, were reduced to crouching in the corner much like their cave dwelling ancestors an epoch before. In a JURASSIC juxtaposition of fate, the room was ominously quiet despite the stormy gale. Therefore, normal, conversation level speaking could be heard. The survivors numbered five but each one of them felt alone. The lights flickered and then went out. The storm intensified. The rain was lashing at the windows now, causing them to rattle. Amidst the quiet background noise of the -storm one survivor, Matt, thought he heard a faint moan.
“Oh no!” he exclaimed in an exclamatory manner. “They’ve found us!”
“It can’t be!” screamed Victoria in her usual annoying scream.
“Scraw!” scrawed Will.
“I picked a bad day to quit drinking!” thought Brian.
“We must have missed a door when we were barricading the building w now they’ve gotten in, but how did they smell us?” wondered Victoria.
Note :( bring up in the past josh packing bacon, we still have his bag with us and nobody knows about it).
“We have to get out of here!” exclaimed Matt in his characteristic monotone yell. He couldn't help it though. His PTSD caused by the incident had brought on this new method of monotone communication.
There was only one thing to do, keep moving. You could never get away from them. They never stopped, never grew thirsty or tired, but they were always hungry. Hungry for human flesh. The survivors ran to the door and out into the stormy night.
But how did our survivors end up in this predicament? Why am I using so many different tenses that would make an English teacher cry? Who are "they" and why do "they" have a yearning for human flesh? How is Sun Yat-Sen involved? To answer those questions we must look back through time itself.
4 months earlier, and a world away…
The bell that signaled the end of 4th period had just rang in its annoyingly monotonous tone as it does at the same time every day. Matt was walking to lunch just like he usually did with Will C. right behind him talking about whatever they had done in Jones’ class that day. He got to his lunch table but that’s when everything seemed a bit odd. He sat down and talked to Collin before Brian came to put his stuff down but as Brian threw his bag on the seat, Matt noticed a very pale and very frail student slowly limping into the caf. He looked like something out of the walking dead and as Matt was watching him time seemed to slow down around him. The student limped up behind some poor unsuspecting girl and bit down, hard, into her shoulder. She let out a scream that pierced the eardrums of everyone in the immediate vicinity.
“The Hell was that!?” screamed Collin as he turned to see what had happened. The teachers all crowded around the girl to see if she was alright while Mr. Rogers held onto the frail kid. The kid turned onto Mr. Rogers quicker than any human could have and bit into his neck and started eating him right there in front of half the school.
Matt and Brian got up and bolted for the band room to grab their stuff and get the hell out of there. When they got there they saw their friends all seemed to have the same idea. Matt grabbed the metal rod he keeps in his locker for shits and giggles and threw it in his backpack, and they all bolted to the cars. They split between Brian’s and Matt’s car. Josh had called shotgun in Matt’s car although it seemed kind of like an inappropriate time but he let it slide and Drew, Will, and Victoria all jumped in the back.
“Let’s meet up at Josh’s house, I need to get gas!” Matt shouted, as he passed Brian’s car. As they got to Wawa, the four in the back went to do the jobs they were appointed. While Matt pumped gas as fast as the machine would let him. Drew and Will had to get drinks, soda, water, etc., Josh and Victoria had to get food that could be easily stored, as Matt topped off the car. They could now see the students pouring out of the school, all of them screaming in terror, as they were chased by more pale students than Matt cared to count. They all piled into the back of Matt’s car and bolted down the street as fast as they could.
The students were not the only ones attacking the school. Fourth period had just ended. Victoria headed into the locker room to put away her things from the first half of the day. That's when it all took a turn for the worst. A blood curdling scream could be heard coming from the band room. Victoria ran out of the locker room to see what all the commotion was about.
Upon returning, Victoria watched in terror as her band director, Mr. Jones, gnawed on the head of a student, named Maria! No one tried to stop him, and Victoria didn't want to die, so she backed away. Some kids attempted to draw Mr. Jones away from the student with Starbucks, but he was not the white girl he used to be. He no longer thirsted for the coffee. All Jonesy could think about was the taste of human flesh. That's when Matt stormed in.
Matt ran by Victoria while screaming about what he had witnessed in the cafeteria. Then Brian came sprinting in. Josh, Will, Drew, and Max were right behind him. Victoria followed Matt and the others to their cars. Matt sped away with Victoria, Josh, Will, and Drew. He raced to Wawa so he could gather supplies. Victoria and Josh were told to gather the food. Victoria sprinted into Wawa and gathered every last GoGo Squeeze available. Josh slapped all the GoGo Squeeze away and told her to gather normal food. Victoria gathered all the GoGo Squeeze along with "normal food" and headed to the car. Once they all piled back into Matt's car, Matt blasted the Star Wars theme song and began to drive to Josh's house.
Everything the others have said is a lie. There was no zombie outbreak due to some viral attack, it was something more, it was much more. It’s hard to say what really happened, since the 8 of us survivors were running for cover, but it all began with one person, or rather one thing.
Back before any of this mess, the lot of us were relaxing down in a resort in Orlando, Florida. The sun was shining, few clouds were in the sky, but it was still a beautiful day. Only one person was sick at that time, but we figured it was from the flight, god were we wrong. Within a few days, everyone was sick with some mysterious plague. We managed to back track the plague to patient zero, but by then it was too late. We were all infected. Luckily, most of us were conditioned to survive such a pandemic and were fine within a few days. Others, however, were not so lucky.
The plague mutated fast so each strain of the disease was different. Some cases were more severe than others. We had thought it was all over by the time we returned home from Florida. Little did we know, we had brought it with us. After a few days, the plague showed symptoms on people who were exposed to us. Eventually, the plague manifested itself into a multicellular state. It was becoming human. The plague had one major flaw. It could not regulate its core temperature. Because of this, the plague acted like a parasite. It seemed like it was straight out of Stephen King’s novel The Thing. Each person the plague used as a host was then turned into an infected.
The infected were sleeper agents. They seemed normal until the plague evolved enough to survive without a host body. By the time that happened, we reached the day the others described. Once we split up, I took Adam and Max to grab some weapons.
"Let’s get a flamethrower!" said Max. "No, then we'll just have flaming zombies attack us!" stated Adam. "Grab everything, we don't know what will work, and I don't want to take any chances." said Brian.
After we loaded everything we could into my car, we took off for Josh's. However, we couldn't make it there because of so many crashes. We had to pick a new location to meet.
Luckily for Tim, he had been home “sick” that day. What this really meant is that he hadn’t rubbed one out in quite a long period of time. He had some make-up work to do. Anyway, after hours upon hours of masturbation, Tim needed to empty his garbage full of crusty gym socks and tissues. Walking outside, he found not only that he had forgotten his trousers but that the world was in disrepair. This was not yet a priority; he trotted right back inside and orgasmed once more. After FINALLY emptying his testicles once and for all, Tim could focus on the issue at hand. There were small children on his front lawn. As per usual, Tim ran angrily towards the group with a blunt object. He was confused to find that the children stayed there motionless and moaning rather than running in terror like they usually did. Tim then asked himself something else. Were these little shits standing here when I threw out my wank-stains? They normally ran away from his giant, pendulating schlong as well when he so desired to whip it out. Oops? Sorry for the digression, but seriously, he wasn’t wearing trousers. Like, that kind of shit seriously traumatizes children. Really. The children audibly salivated as they lumbered towards Tim. Sweet semen of baby Jesus. Tim swiftly hit one of the children over the head and ran back inside.
“Yo Gramps!” screeched Tim, “Get the Shotties!”
Tim’s old, Italian grandfather pushed out a ceiling tile, grabbed two shotguns and threw one to Tim. That day, for the second time in his life, Tim murdered small children. His grandfather just kind of shot the air yelling “Take that ya melanzane!” It was quite the scene. After that, Tim grabbed his phone and ditched his grandfather. Right away, his phone rang with a call from Josh.
“Tim, you need to get to my house ASAP!”
“Ight, gayhomofag.” Tim put on his sunglasses which he had purchased in Florida. “Let’s do this shit.”
Tim then proceeded to cock both shotguns, as he had stolen the one his grandfather was using, basically leaving the crazy old man for dead. Feeling stress-free and excessively bad-ass, Tim sprinted towards Josh’s house, prepared for what may lie ahead on his arduous journey.
“I have to peeee!” Max groaned.
“Can’t you wait like, 5 minutes? We’re still trying to find a new way to go” Adam replied. Brain, however, proceeded to pull over to the nearest McDonald’s so Max could empty his wang.
“Are you serious? You’re actually stopping?! What if we’re the next things on the menu in that shit-hole?” Adam asked in his usual exasperated, bitchy tone.
“Look, this could be the last Big Mac I ever have. Now Max has given me an excuse to stop in and dammit I’m taking it. We’ll only be a few minutes.” Brian explained. Max had already rushed out of the car and into the fast-food joint, while Brian walked in with a swaggerly strut and Adam pittered behind, a paranoid wreck.
What they walked into was sickening. Stacy, under the influence of the infection, was going at it with another hulk of a zombie, Quantasia. The two were simultaneously wrestling and gnawing on each other’s lard. Strewn across the greasy floor was a steady pile of human limbs from the duo’s previous victims. It seemed each had seen the other as a threat and thus, the showdown began, much like the King Kong v. T-Rex battle, but with more fat. It was a horrific, yet somehow satisfying scene. Brian started to take a video when Adam slapped him.
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Adam screamed, his voice cracking.
“Documenting this…” Brain said, distracted.
“Okay look, we need to find Max and get out of here- NOW.” said Adam, who then began to put some facts together. Wait, how in the hell did Max make it to the bathroom through all of this? Why didn’t he run back as soon as he saw...kid was determined I’ll give him that…
Adam charged into the bathroom with an outstretched, misplaced mop he found, holding it out in self-defense as Brian fished for his keys. After about a minute and some high-pitched screaming, out came Adam, dragging a crying Max across the parking lot while Brian started the car. In a display of bad-assery, Brian gunned it out of the lot, swerving through a disgusting mob of obese infectees that tried to block his path and around the oncoming traffic. He glanced in the rear-view mirror and grinned, admiring his work. Ah, just like bowling.
“Wait! I know it’s a little out of our way, but we need to go to my house.” Adam exclaimed.
“What for?” said Brain. “Yeah I just wanna get to the others you stupid frick hole!” Max chimed in.
“From there we can take a clear route to Josh’s house. Also, my dad’s got a shotgun and a lot of ammo. If he’s home I can try to take the Subaru. We need the extra firepower, and an extra vehicle couldn’t hurt. I can leave my family with the van, should they still be alive,” Adam’s voice trailed off. The severity of their situation was beginning to set in to all three of them. To lift their spirits, Max turned up the radio and the trio put on some aviators, as Brian had set course for Adam’s house. A road of zombies waited for them. It’s a shame Brian had just cleaned his car.