I am Not Alone!Mature

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He caught me when I was my most stubborn, which to say is a feat that no one else can say. I am the biggest pain in the ass to anyone and yet he still flipped my world upside down like it was the easiest thing in the world. Most likely it was for him and he probably was smirking about it the whole fucking time. I am not the emotionally available person so the fact that he got a rise in me was just infuriating and un-nerving. I know that most girls would swoon over someone like him but I couldn’t help being freaked out by him. He put anger in me, he knew me so well that I would just bang my head on the table just to get away from the painful words he says. Again every fucking girl would love him, and would love his attention I couldn’t get farther away. He was perfectly fine invading not only my persona space but my emotional space, not just that but he loved to play with my head like it was a fucking toy. Yeah to me he was a bastard; of course his reply was that he didn’t know his father. Sigh, he’s like a poison that stays in you all your life. How did this all started? I would have to say it started at a park, I always wanted to be the hero of my own story but in this part I was the damsel. He would later confess that it was good character building to let him save me. I would later smack him and refuse to continue the conversation but we both knew that it would continue no matter what.

            She was the worst female I met, completely independent to a flaw. Yet she hit me like a train, she got my heart high before I knew it. I am usually the most comical and just all around life of the party and she took that and made it lethal to me. Almost every word she spoke bit me deep, like she didn’t want to eat me but just make me bleed. Sadist much, any normal male would run away screaming because she was just so fucking difficult with everything. Yet being the man that I was I couldn’t help but push her till she growled and clawed at me with her words, just to see her normal mask crumble. She was all animal and I couldn’t help but love the way I could make her squirm, I have to say it was thrilling in a completely fucked up way. She would hate me for it for the rest of her life but I felt the need to pick her up as she fell that night in the park. It was the night that I fell as well but in a different way.

            Long brown hair swished about in the heavily forested park as her hips swayed in the night air. Lynette was the girl everyone knew but never actually met, with her dark eyes she scared away any attraction people had to her. She always wondered why that happened because her lips were always held together with a grin, smirk and a small smile. It could have been welcoming but it was that pure confidence in the way she moves and how those eyes took in every bit of a person before they even spoke that made people distance themselves. Then again she loved it that way; she was sincerely fucked up as a person. Lynette the pretty young thing had a problem, not just a normal problem that could be fixed but something that will be hers alone forever. She wasn’t diagnosed but it was a medical condition, no one in the world had it and it drove her to a point of unable to stand it. Her life no longer held meaning as she walked to the highest bridge in the park like she always did with a cynical smile across that pink mouth. What happened was that of love stories, except this isn’t a love story, it was life.

            I breathed in the crisp winter air with no jacket on in below zero degrees and yet I felt flushed and almost nervous about my sin. As I climbed the bridge I reached into my pocket to grip the hunk of silver in my hands. Tightening my hold a little I felt blood pool out of my hand as I took it out of my pocket and admired the object in sick fascination. Breathing out I grip the top of the razor and put it to my wrist, no dread or fear, just giving myself a moment to think it through. What do I have to live for? Not a damn thing came to mind so I slit the vein in a quick jerk and quickly did the other wrist. Sharp, that was the pain I felt as I shook slightly I felt drained and waited there for a couple minutes. The blood slowly trickling down my hands that I could feel shaking from the loss of blood as the minutes passed. Soon I had thought enough gore has poured out of me that I could finish it, climbing up and over the rail of the bridge I looked down and felt loss over come me. A loss of a life that I could never reach or have and it made me fear for what I have done. I couldn’t go back now so why back off now? One hand drops from the rail as does the other hand I close my eyes. Nothing happened; I realized two arms are wrapped around my waist as I was carried over the railing. I laughed as I knew that too much blood was lost for me to be saved and let the stranger carry me and lay me down across the bridge. I then noticed green eyes almost glowing in the dark and a furious man kneeling over me. “Mm so this is what hell is like? I love the view” my raspy voice spoke in a mocking disorientated way. He seemed to get even more enraged as he grasped my wrists and held them tight as he leaned his ear to a cellular phone I didn’t notice him take out. I laughed again as if nothing disastrous happened, like I saw an old friend after years of being apart. Again I wasn’t right in the head. He softly asked for my name I called out Lynette in the weakest way that I was slightly ashamed of it. Then he spoke to me in such a way that I should have been pissed, I wasn’t I was completely calmed by him. “You my dear are the most moronic person I have ever met. Do you know what you are doing? Look at yourself, covered in blood yet I know for a fact people love you, do you believe that? Or are you one of those self righteous people that think they are alone in this fucking world? You stupid girl, do you know what went through me seeing you like this? Your sick for letting me get so goddamn worked up over a fucking stranger. Look at me, I even touched your bloodied wrists like it was nothing!” He paused and looked about ready to panic; I couldn’t help but reach out for him. I learned two things, one that he had a strong grip on my wrists, two that he hated not being listened to. He shook me lightly making me groan in pain at the action “Yeah you better feel this pain, remember it as you remember me, maybe it would make you think twice before you become such an idiot that you try this again”. He sighed in relief as lights danced across my face, I couldn’t help but be mad at his defiance of my death. Paramedics rushed me away taking me to the hospital that I absolutely hated.

~~~~~~~~~~3 days later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            I couldn’t get rid of him, after the incident he came over daily to bug me asking and I quote ‘What the hell is wrong with you? And why the fuck do you hate life so much?’ of course these went unanswered much to my delight. Yet I couldn’t help at being peeved at the way he knew me so well, actually I was down right angry. “You know what I learned about you Lynette? You hate being around people, that little wall of yours is going to break though. I shall make sure of it, and then you will never be allowed to go. Yes I see through this little charade of yours, you love to leave those who love you or get to close. It scares you to bits to let anyone in”. I felt him smirking, felt because I had my back turned to him for fear of him seeing my eyes turn black in pure distaste for his words. “You know what Jackson; I don’t think it is allowed to dig into a mental patient that attempted suicide just days ago. You were there and all”. Yes that always seemed to piss him off, making him remember the dark start to this fucked up friendship if you call it that. I more like to call it stalking or being an annoying fucker then an actual friendship. “Lynette you need to talk, at least talk to me. From the little I know of you; you seem like a truly wonderful person. Why do that to yourself?” .I sighed at his sincerity, “Jackson I know you have this all worked up in your head but I’m not who you think I am. Actually it would be better if you stopped talking to me now, you don’t want to get hurt do you?” I smiled at him in my please don’t notice I am broken smile. “If you’re willing to get hurt then so am I. Besides I am the sane one in the room” he smirked at that one, I just know it. I laughed at that because we both seemed to be fucked up in our own sick way. A nurse walked in “Lynette time for group therapy”, I smiled at Jackson and made my leave.

            I slumped in my chair from exhaustion and closed my eyes for a brief moment. Lynette flashed in my mind and I couldn’t help but freak at the name. What was with her? She left me feeling insane and completely insecure. I didn’t even know why I was here still. She was just a pretty girl that tried to kill herself, a stranger, she shouldn’t matter. Yet when she closed her eyes and let go of that bridge something stirred inside. Something I didn’t know existed, something I thought died a long time ago. The sad part was she was right, I was just going to get hurt. I knew it because something was terribly wrong with her, something in my heart said so and it brought a deep agony to me. She was my root, pulling me down into the dark earth where no light could be found. She will break me down like minerals and water and continue on with life. A knock to the door drew me out of my head and a tall blonde walked in, she was around 5’11 and looked completely bored with where she was. “So where the fuck is Lynette?” she said it so nonchalant that I wanted to kick her, I sighed “She is in group, who are you?” “I was her room mate” she acted like it was not a big deal that Lynette was in the hospital. “You don’t seem worried about her, you actually look quite bored with the whole situation” I couldn’t help but love the frustration I gave her. “Well lets just say I am not on good terms with her and your most likely wondering why the fuck would she would fuck with me? Well it wasn’t because she didn’t love me; she is dieing and didn’t want to have someone be so close to her”. I swear to high heaven something clicked, the way she moved like it was in fact her last, the way her eyes stayed somber and lonely. I honestly didn’t give a fuck; something welled inside me, what gave her the right to give up now? “So you didn’t know? From the way you looked I thought you knew I wouldn’t try getting to know her. She is exactly as she always was, not worth the time, who wants a broken woman? Not me, fucking hell when she told me I freaked thinking I would have to deal with it. I felt-“; I couldn’t stand one minute in the same room as her self serving attitude so I just walked out. I honestly don’t think she thought that way; it was on her own terms she wanted to go, not some pathetic way of running away. Yet I couldn’t let her give up like that, I had no clue why but I felt sad that she didn’t smile.

            “Lynette why are you here?” they ask me this all the time and I have to say it was bugging the hell out of me. “Well I am not really here, you know because here is a relative term, here in this state? Or here in this room? I ask this because I was forced to be in this room in particular even though I am sure other rooms are just as nice”. The therapist looked pissed at my comment but in all honesty it was his fault for asking. He just couldn’t deal with the answer, not my fault mister you can play the blame game but I am not going to play. After about an hour of that bullshit I was finally allowed to go to my room, shockingly Jackson wasn’t there. Which confused and made me panic a little bit, especially when I saw my ex room mate sitting in Jackson’s official home for the last couple days. “Julie what are you doing here?” I sighed officially exhausted from other people’s emotions. “I wanted to see if this was a ploy to get me back” her tone has always gotten on my nerves. “Listen I didn’t push you away because of my condition okay? So leave me alone, your just a cocky jerk and I have more important things to do, oh wait I don’t I’ll be dead” that one ticked her off. I checked off a point on my side “Well who the fuck was that guy? Your new toy?” I blinked and thought about what the hell she was talking about.  “Oh so you met him, no he is just someone who will not leave me alone, why are you jealous?” She didn’t seem to appreciate my lovely tone, hm too bad. “Jealous of what, he has nothing I have.” I laughed “oh Julie you were always quick to compete with me, I hate that you won’t take the hint either.” Ending it there I walked out and took a small walk out in the garden of the hospital. Sighing I wondered how many promises I broke that night, now the empty shells of them survive and burn me. I wish I could say I was sorry but I wasn’t, I can’t say that I am because I wanted to have some control over this.

The End

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