I'm nobody important, but I did create the Earth. It's haunted me ever since.
Hi, I'm God...and I have a problem.
This problem is fucking humanity. I mean seriously. I was bored one weekend and thought it might be a cool idea to create one of those universe things, you know? I don't know if you've heard of it. Not a lot of divine beings make universes these days, so you have to understand how seriously bored I was.
It was a fucking huge mistake. I tried to make these two human things in my images and they turned out to be total dicks, which says a lot about me, I guess. AND THEY WON'T STOP MULTIPLYING. Seriously. There's billions of them now. You know how many prayers that adds up to? A fucking shit ton. I tried to keep things under control, I really did. I actually went back to basics by putting two of every animal on a god damn boat and flooding the damn thing. IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK.
THEY WON'T DIE. THEY'RE DESTROYING MY FUCKING PLANET AND THEY WON'T DIE. HOW DO I GET RID OF THEM?