I am a Bridge

An old, sassy bridge gets angry at a pair of romantic teens.

((A note: the humans' speech is italicized.))

How many times have I seen this happen? Seriously. Nobody is original anymore.

"You're so beautiful."

Ugh, be original. Make up a new word for this chick if you like her that much. How about disipgeoff? It sounds nice and mysterious.

"Do you really think so?"

Stop trying to confirm all this bull. Just cut to the chase. I know you're insecure and you can't believe this is happening, but can't you hear? He said you're beautiful. Whee.

"I love you!"

Finally! Now grasp her forearms and kiss her gently on the lips. Then offer her a ride back to her house so you can meet her parents rather than maintain an unstable relationship where no ties are actually made.

"I love you too!"

Okay, okay... We get it. Can't sixteen year olds be a tad more articulate? Why, when I was young and brand spanking new, boys would carry a bouquet of hand picked flowers across me to save a suicidal girl on tip toe at the edge of me. Now all teenagers do is swoon over each other and make empty promises. If I had a mouth, I would vomit.

"But, what about your girlfriend?"

Oh, here we go. Another cheater. Another. Cheater.

"I'll break up with her tomorrow."

It's a lie, girl, can't you see? He's only going to make you feel special, but in reality, you're only a side dish! Just punch him and walk away.

"You would do that for me?"

Oh, jesus. Don't cry.

"Yes, you are my only."

Only what? Mistress?

"You are so... amazing!"

Oh, they're finally kissing. Oh, well, that's kinda cute... Maybe they're not so bad after all...

The End

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