I Always Thought

A brief thought, that turned into a lifetime of sadness.

So grey is the sky sometimes. and yet we can never pull ourselves away from it. its hard to i guess. but why is it so hard? do these grey clouds represent something? something locked deep away in ourselves? hmm, what a wonder.. and so my thoughts have turned to somebody i used to know.. hannah.. how i miss you.. i wronged, and hurt.. and yet, i still miss you. deeply. i will never forget your name.. your face.. your smell.. your sway.. your smile.. and most of all, how happy you made me. even watching from a distance as you kissed and cuddled others.. i watched and wondered. what would it be like to have her perfect lips against mine. to hold her, and love her like no other could. i would use the world itself as a shield to protect her. i would drag stars straight from the heavens just to find her. i will light the way to our happiness, and hopefully... just hopefully. she will smile at me, and i will cry the hardest i ever have in my life. because now i would be able to die happy, knowing that i made the one girl i will always love, happy. if even for a second. i will remember her perfect smile for a lifetime. my hannah.. i dont even want to stop writing this, because its about her. but even if i kept writing for an eternity. i wouldnt be long enough to show her how much i care. but maybe one day, we can see each other again. just maybe.. maybe.. if she will only forgive me.. i should never have abandoned you hannah. and i know that now. i wanted to be the one to help you.. i just didnt know how anymore. i want to take it all back, i want to scream, but all of it would never do any good. because you could never hear me. never see me. or ever feel me. because by the time you ever find this. i wont be around to explain anymore.. and im very sorry for that.. i really am, i wish i would be around to try and explain this. but its all so heavy now.. my head wont be quiet. and my heart aches every day.. i just want it all to stop. but now nobody is here to help me.. and so is my life. helping other while i slowly sink, and drown into my head.. being consumed by the common people as im used up and spit out. having to rebuild every time. but now i have no more pieces to build with. so.. with more regret than i can muster.. please forgive me hannah.. i love you...

Sebi~

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