On my sixth month, my feelings for David had not cleared up. I felt ready to burst all the time, my steps had taken a natural lightness. If god had not made me this way then nature had, the only thing un-natural about what I was doing was waiting. Oh god, the wait nearly killed me. The anticipation was nearly killing me, all I had to do was look at the strings others had attached to me and simply walk away. But what if my life's puppeteers came back? Rachel kept calling to me and on February 14th, my lines snapped under her constant guidance back to my soul. I asked David again for some tea.
We sat in my flat and I asked him why he'd come. He said "Because I like you of course. Why did you invite me?"
I admit to practicing this scene a million times over in my mind and with Rachel in my spare time. Yet it's always different onstage, here I would determine the course of my life in the blink of an eye. Words tumbled out but I could hardly hear myself, all I could see was his eyes. His eyes grew cold and when I reached to touch his hand, he stood up. Without a word his feet rushed to the door. But his hand stopped on the doorknob. I walked carefully up to him, it was as if time stood still to all but me. David sighed "Why is this wrong?"
As if the sands had shifted, I'd uncovered part of my being, long hidden for fear of being seen by the light. Somehow, I knew Saint Peter would not call my name.