So, this was afterglow. Nice. Calm. Serene. I always felt men held me because they had to, not because they wanted to. Caleb seemed genuinely content to just lie there and talk about nothing. Well, not nothing we talked about me. I was so tired of it. It's not that I don't have stories to tell. I was tired of the eyebrow raising. I never had a normal childhood but it was mine. It made me who I am. No one could ever relate.
I grew up poor. My mom was never around because she was working. I was suppose to grow up fast and fend for myself but I didn't. I took my freedom and ran with it.
After I started giving one word answers we just lied there looking up at the stucco ceiling. No either one of us wanted to break the spell. It was like we were afraid if we left it would all end. The rumbling of Caleb's stomach broke the silence. We both sort of chucked and Caleb relunctantly rose.
" I guess that's my cue" He laughed " Do you want anything?"
I shook my head. My stomach was use to my erratic schedule. Besides I wanted a chance to dream. I wasn't tired but maybe if I slept I would relax and see something useful. I felt like Atlas. The whole world was on my shoulders. There was a war going on. Centuries old war between vampires and there slayers. I could not stop it but perhaps ease it. I had the power.
I closed my eyes and immediately saw it two men. Two men. One for love. One for Lust. Born to create. I was quickly getting tired of this fucking riddle. The more I thought about it the more it confused me. If it wasn't Caleb or Jared who could it be? I didn't have any other men in my life. My Male friends were taken or gay. I never lusted after any of them.I loved them like family.
I got tired of forcing this elephant up the hill. I got up and went out to the livingroom. I quickly wished I hadn't. Caleb stood infront of the tv paralyzed. Caleb,s body was there but his mind was somewhere else lost. I tried to go and find it. I didn,t get to the tv. I recognized Kit's voice. She was crying. Her words shock me. Just when I thought I was done with this all.
She said " It was horrible, The alarm don't go off, the sprinklers didn't work. I thought I was going to die. I can't believe anyone would do such a thing.
Everyone interviewed echoed her statements. It was a horrible fire that had a life of it's own. Took life from some one' s deranged dream and everyone else's nightmares.They set a fire. A fire that killed maimed and seperated.
All I could feel was coldness that tried so hard to be numbness. This was my fault because I chose to live my life by my rules. I didn't want to feel guilt. I wasn't suppose to have regrets. This was not my fault. I tried so hard to convince myself but I didn't work.
I just kept thinking that I had opened my mind. I wasn't afraid that it may have opened Pandora's box. I wasn't afraid anymore.I wanted it all. To feel it all. I wasn't someone who usually backed down. But I saw nothing. I should see it all.