We spent most of the afternoon avoiding each other, well I did. Caleb tried to break the ice by asking if he could have some pizza. I shouted yes and went back to drawing. He flipped open the box and remarked that I had not eaten any. I said I wasn't hungry and continued drawing dresses. I wasn't interested in faking, so this was the way it was going to be.
I spent the rest of the afternoon tying up loose ends and telling everyone where I was. Last call was my mother. Last because I knew she wouldn't care where I was. I waited for it to ring. It rang one, two, six rings and just kept ringing. I cleared my throut and rambled to the answering machine about staying with a boyfriend for awhile.
After awhile I got bored and I was tired after getting so little sleep. I laid on the bed in my clothes. I heard some faint music through the walls. I felt my eyes get heavy and I welcomed the weight. I closed my eyes and they stayed closed. Even as I recognized the tune it was The Pretenders " I go to sleep" . So right, too right. I laid as close to the wall as I could, so it could become my back bone.
Two men. Two men. The words echoed in my head two men. Two men. I immediately thought of Caleb and Jared. Two men. It all started with two men. In my dreams they were shadows, strangers. Two men.
I was surprised I didn't wake up with the words on my lips. I woke up hearing the rolling stones being played on guitar. I took me awhile to place my where abouts. I was still in Caleb's flat.
I woke up. What a waste of a day. It was 6 in the evening an there was nothing else to distract me. I followed the music. Caleb looked guilty as he strummed the song " Wildhorses". I realized how little I knew about him and how little he wanted me to know.
" You've been holding out on me" I said
" I torture it every so often" Caleb muttered
" It doesn't seem to object to much" I said
I leaned against the door frame. I watched his fingers more from string to string. I was captivated I barely noticed I was in his room his private space.
" You make it look so easy" I marveled " Play Painted Black"
Caleb winced and looked down at his fingers. Caleb focused on the physical movements like all of a sudden playing became an effort. He acted like an amateur.
" That song hits home too much?" I asked
I slid down the door frame and streched my legs accross it. I shrugged my shoulders. Then cleared my throat.
" You were depressed like that, At one time that was all you knew" I explained
Caleb dropped his guitar suddenly . Caleb looked at me like I had eight heads. I was being blunt again but I wasn't being rude. Maybe I stepped over an invisiable line. Guys don't like talking about feelings. I sometimes forget.
" How long have you been pyshic?" He asked to eagerly
" I'm not psyhic. I'm just observant" I argued
Even as I said the words. I heard the words Party tricks in my head. All I did was party tricks...I tried to put the lips in focus. Who had belittled me? Who told me what I did was nothing? My vision was murky no matter how hard I tried I could not see. I squinted. I went through the faces of everyone I could think of but the words did not fit there lips.