I woke up feeling the weight of our deal. My impossible promise to Caleb. I could live through a broken heart and never once regret it. Not living is what gives us tears. I couldn't expect a vampire to understand the shortness of human life. Was it so horrible for me to expect him to understand the meaning of life, was to live. If god wanted Caleb to be unmoving ,unfeeling, unchanging he would of made Caleb a rock.
After not quite day dreaming ( day dreaming implies postive feelings.) I got up. I looked around the apartment. It didn,t look much different in the day. Ofcourse I couldn't really tell it was the morning. The windows were hidden in drapes. The only light came from the glow of a muted tv. Caleb was bathed in it's etheral glow. I opened my mouth to ask him if he owned a bed. But as I got closer I realized he was sleeping. I watched the rise and fall of his chest absently. I counted his silken lashes. I wanted to be the first person to ever steal a kiss. I let the feeling linger and sourly change to regret.
I moved to the fridge and let my other needs rule my head . I opened the fridge. I felt instant dismay. There was nothing to eat. Unless I counted the condiments and a box of flat pop. I moved to the freezer. I knew there would be no luck. I was starving now, ofcorse there would be no luck. God damn it I didn't want to pre heat the oven. Had he never heard of a microwave. What the fuck was I suppose to do with a meat pie?
I looked in the pantry. I was disappointed yet again. What was I suppose to do with canned vegetables? But then I saw a promising box of oatmeal. At this point my stomach had eaten all my body fat and now was after my muscles soon I would have a lovely pot belly on a frame of bones. I didn't think about the fact that there was no milk and most likely no sugar. Beggars couldn't be choosers.
The quick oats weren't quick enough. I rocked my heels back and forth as I watched a plastic bowl spin around and around. I didn't wait for the microwave to beep. I ripped open the door. It smelled steamy, hot almost homey. But it didn't make up for the solid sticky mass staring back at me. I was about to eat Jabba the hut. The sugar was to hard to sprinkle. I didn't have the energy to carve it. So I poured on syrup and poured on more syrup. I tried to pretend I was enjoying my meal. But the texture just wasn't right and I wanted greasy, I wanted cheesy. I wanted pizza. Pizza and orange juice. Carton orange juice. I probably would have to suffer without both...
Before I could convince myself that ordering pizza was probably a bad idea. I raced to the phone. My fingers felt like useless fat sausages. I couldn't get the numbers into the phone. It took like three times to press a phone number that had on two numbers over and over. I ignored the ignorant teen age girl on the other line and ordered enough for four. I was a millionaire I could afford liposuction. Not that I ever gave a damn about my weight.
By that time my inner dialogue refused to be silenced. I had never been in this situation before but people who had killers after them usually laid low.
I peaked over the couch. Caleb was still out cold. I would soon have to face the music. I would be a grown up this time. I wouldn't be defensive this time and yell whatever shit came to my mind. I might not know why I always did things but never regreted it. Never.
I cleared my brain. I decied it might be a good idea to get to know my lover. We were in a grey area. Anything was possible now. I wasn't his lover but I also wasn't his enemy. I didn't make a deal not to pursue him...he just hoped enough negativity would break me. Maybe for others. But not for me. I had been in love before and each time I cried but my last relationship there was no tears just undying love that turned weaker. From a yell it became a whisper.
Enough deep thoughts it was time to snoop. I started by browsing his dvd collection. I shouldn't of been surprised he was a man... Just typicsl guy stuff. There a lot action movies, sci-fi movies and episodes of the Simpsons. I was looking for a smoking gun, so I moved on. I went to Caleb's cd and record stacks in the corner. I was disappointed. He was a classic rock fan. There was a couple of modern stuff like Nickelback and Nirvana. But there was no Alternative music...No Arcade fire...No Metric
The phone rang. Sleeping Beauty stirred but wasn't quite ready to face the day. I picked up the phone and buzzed up a whiny sounding delivery boy. My mouth started watering. I felt like licking my chops. I heard a soft knock on the door and seconds later I was almost on top of the delivery man. Something was off... He let himself in and stuck the pizza on the counter. He wasn't creepy looking or rough looking but my spidey sense was tingling. He didn't look around the apartment but he stood in the kitchen waiting for his payment. I took the wallet sitting on the coffee table and fished out two twenties. Boys were expected to pay for their dates anyway. I handed him the bills and a random handfull of change as a tip. For the first time he gave me eye contact but it wasn't really eye contact. He was looking through me as if I was beneath him. He barely touched my hand when he took the money. He muttered is good bye and let himself out.
I started hyper ventalating as soon as that door shut. I locked the door.I steadied myself on the counter. Everything became about the actions and the mechanics of the actions. Standing, bending sitting.... There was no deep rational human thoughts. My heart was beating out of my chest and in my throat blocking air and in my leg clamping muscles. I couldn't think this not this...Caleb let the most important thing out. Caleb had lied. Caleb didn't tell me the people who were after me were people. These blood thirsty monsters were people. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone.