I'm awake but i close my eyes.  Refusing to face my truth.  I've been forced to live a lie. Laura's baby wailing, i feel Laura's touch.  Soft and sweaty.  Why won't she let me go? This can't be happening.  I'm a failure. At everything.

All of a sudden i hear nothing.  I must have gone deaf. 

Open your eyes.

I do and the van is empty.  White as ever. Heaven? Push door open. No. It's earth. The sun's out. A church. Balloons. People. It must be my future.  Wow, I have a future. I'm in a tux.  I catch my reflection in a car window. Bending over, I check if it's really me.  It is.  I do brush nicely if i may say so myself. 

It must be my wedding day.  If so, I hope it's real. Not like that Panic! at the disco video.  No more dreaming now, right.  Jesus just pressed the fast-forward button on me that's all.

Car door opens, knocking my head.  Wesley Snipes? In a tux? NO! where's the crab?

"He's in here,' he says tapping me on my chest where my heart is buried "Where he belongs."

"What is this? my wedding day? Who am I marrying?

"Yes! You're marrying Laura, of course. Who else? Now come on, you don't wanna be late to your own wedding."

"No, wait.  I can't...I don't love her. I can't marry someone I don't love." This is outrageous!

"This is not about you, Hunter.  You're doing this for Laura. She loves you. You signed up for this didn't you?"

Rhetorical question. Fuck you!

We enter the hall.  I stand in my position. If this was a chess game, i'd be the pawn. I'm standing waiting for my bride. Laura. Everybody's here. This is all for show...

Music plays. Violins. Here she comes. She's in white lace. What's white supposed to symbolise? Purity, power, virginity? She's none of these things.  I'm marrying a whore.

She reaches me now, smiling. I smile too. The things i do for her...The priest is now talking. Blah is what I hear. I seperate myself, glancing at the artwork in the church.  What am I? Catholic or Quaker? They're all the same to me.

He's still talking. God! hurry up. Hurry up, God.  I really can't listen. Now i've got that stupid panic at the disco song in my head. How ironic.  I smile.  She smiles back. She doesn't know why.  She says "I do" What happens if I say I don't?  It becomes a soap opera. Better not.

"Do you, Hunter Krist Taylor take Laura Elena Sawyer as your lawfully wedded wife?"

Do i? "I do" I don't! Don't I?

"I, now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

She grabs me.  Kisses me like there's no tommorow. Have some pride. My bride has no pride. I can't wait to let go.  Everybody's up.  Clapping. Cheering.

"HUNTER" Mr. Snipes is waiting for me at the door. "WE GOTTA GO!" His voice echoes the vast church hall.  It shakes a little.  Nobody notices but me.

I turn to Laura "Hey I got to go somewhere, i'll be back."

"Ok, Hunter take your time" She says. She's happy. Who is she to order me about? My wife that's who. Great.

"I love you" I lie

"Love you too" she replies

"You look so beautiful" I lie again.  She's on the verge of tears now.

"You're a great mother to our beautiful son!" Now i'm mocking her.  Feels good.  Girls are so gullible. She hugs me, crying. If I keep this going she might even start undressing herself. I'd like to see that but i've gotta go.  Snipes' waiting. I walk over to him.

"You're one dirty bastard." He says closing the door.  Turning the page to the next chapter. The noise fades away.  There's nobody else but him and I.  Will it always be like this? I don't know.  She told me to take my time.  So I will.

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