Vodka. Pain. What a mix.
Don’t wear that shirt. It’s too low cut and you know you’ll get into trouble tonight. Whatever, you don’t really care, there’s no one to tell you not to, so go ahead and wear it. Put on that tight skirt too, the one that makes your ass look really good. Add some perfume, those slutty heels, you’re good to go. It’s a house party so don’t worry you can take them off once your feet start hurting. Get in your best friend’s car and drive over there, I know you want a drink. You want it so bad you’re willing to do all this to get it. Too bad you’re broke and can’t pay your bills since you poured that money down your throat. Walk into that party with a smile on your face. Gotta look pretty, or they won’t hand you a beer. It doesn’t take long, does it? Chug it. Chug the next one. Play the stupid drinking games that aren’t much fun, but they get you messed up fast. Think to yourself that maybe life isn’t so bad after all. Laugh and laugh at everything that shouldn’t be funny, but is. Nothing is pretty or fun when you’re sober, but everything is now.
Look at the shot of vodka that guy is holding out to you. It’s clear and bitter, like the tears of God. Take it and pour it down your throat. Find a chaser cause it’s cheap shit. Doesn’t go down easily. Sit cross legged on the floor, watching the room move. Giggle because that same guy tickles your side. He’s got his hand up your shirt. You don’t really like him, but you sure as hell like the attention. Move into the corner with him and let him feel you up. What does it matter, the only person who matters to you doesn’t want you so you have nothing to lose. Don’t take another shot because you know you’ll get sick. Lean into him as he starts kissing your neck. Laugh as your best friend finds you. She knows you and gets you away from the guy before you let anything stupid happen. Stumble a little because the floor just won’t stay still. Dance with some other guy. You’re a little slut when you’re drunk, it just happens. The new guy has his hands running up and down your body while you grind on him. You don’t really like him, but you sure as hell like the attention. Take another shot, you’re ready for it now. Dance and dance and dance. You’ve been miserable all week, you deserve to have fun. He’s not around anymore so what does it matter what you do. He hates that you drink, but ignore that. He doesn’t matter anymore. Cry because he does.
Wake up in the morning looking like hell. Get up off your best friend’s bathroom floor and find your things. Know she must be getting tired of taking care of you all the time. God knows it’s a bitch of a job. Strip out of your clothes after she drops you off. Sit in the shower and just let the water hit your pounding head. Cry again because you don’t feel good and you’re never going to feel any better. Tell yourself you’ll stop drinking and find some other way to numb the pain. The next weekend, put on that slutty dress, and head out again because you’re going to go crazy without a drink. Doesn’t matter that you’ve been drinking almost every day. It’s been a real killer week.