Looking around the kitchen, you see nothing that looks remotely like a mace, so you head to your workshop, and your trusty toolbox.
There you find some three and a half inch finishing nails and a thick dowel left over from the bannister you tried to fix last summer. (The wife is still complaining that it's a safety hazard, not being attached correctly.)
Cutting the dowel to a manageable size, and hammering 15 finishing nails through the top at various angles, you decide this will do for a makeshift mace, and head back toward the kitchen.
Upon your return you find Zorro, your golden retriever, on the floor busily gnawing at the chicken, but not making much headway, as it is still frozen solid.