Hotel Tarantula

Some years ago Jim Bungle went on holiday to Hotel Tarantula in Tingerola. He arrived there by aeroplane which he picked up at the Dinner Lounge Terminal in Scatterwick Airport.

The plane was a triple decker luxury Airliner called the King Bottola and was served by stewardesses who were 20 feet tall.

Fortunately, the passenger compartments on each deck were 40 foot high, providing extra headroom. They had to be because the stewardesses who served had somewhat grown to a height of 20 feet tall.

Dinner was served in bath tubs dished out by the 20 foot tall stewardesses. 

For dinner it was Smoked Egg, Fermented Ham and Black Cheese, followed by Spotted Duck and after 20 mints.

For security you had to put your hand luggage into your  trousers whilst seated and not take it out even to shave your chest until you reached your destination.

The suitcases, when loaded onto the plane, were packed away in fridges to keep them fresh just below the deck, because, as you know cases could rot if they overheat. As a result some noxious gas smelling like rotten eggs could escape into the passenger compartments from the suitcases and cause people to drop like flies.

To prevent the suitcases from turning into stink bombs, emitting a foul smell it is recommended that they are kept in fridges.

The toilets on this plane were flushed by putting your head down the toilet bowl and pressing a lever, but had to wash your head soon after with cow's shampoo.

To get seated on the toilet you had to sit the opposite way round and use toilet paper made from an app on your smartphone. All you had to do was press an app called Toilet Paper and an instant roll of toilet paper appeared. You just had to pull it out from your  smartphone.

To provide oxygen to everybody on this plane they had to have an operation to have a slit made into their chests in which a ventilator was fitted by the aeroplane surgeon. This breathing machine was kept in place until you got off the plane, then taken out. Once done the hole in your chest was closed, using chewing gum to help it to heal up.

On arrival at the airport the plane descended and landed  up in a cowshed, where everybody got off and had go to the conveyor belt to collect their  suitcases, which by now were completely fresh after spending hours in the aeroplane's fridge department.

Outside the resort airport was the coach which would take holidaymakers to their hotel.

On arrival at the hotel Jim Bungle was shown to his bedroom and had all what he wanted - a triple bed, wardrobe and double screen television.

The food here was excellent, with five portions of fish served as an hors d'oeuvres, followed by ten chickens, plus 200 Brussel sprouts, 50 carrots and the lot. In fact he ate so much that he ended up with a burp so loud and powerful that it shook the entire dining room. In fact the impact was so violent that everything in the dining room crashed right down to the ground and smashed. Because of this the man was banned from the hotel and had to spend the rest of his holiday on the beach.

Burping like a bomb going off could result in being kicked out of the hotel, and even worse having to be sent home in a bath tub instead of the usual airliner.

Being sent home from your holiday abroad in a bath tub was so joke because it could take up to two years to get home. This meant that you would be in the sea for so long. And what about having to eat. The answer is that you  would have  to dive down into the sea and take out a fish, but had to wrap yourself up into a wire net to protect you from sharks.

Being out at sea in a bath tub meant that you would have to find a toilet somewhere should you be caught short.

The answer is desert island in the sea itself.

Taking two years to get home in a bath tub from abroad need not happen because whilst out at sea help could  be on the way. A helicopter could swoop down and lift you up from the bath tub and provide you with a swift journey home, and as a gift the bath tub you had to sail home in would be taken into the helicopter with you, and once you get home you could use it.


The End

1 comment about this story Feed