The Queen's JournalMature

It's raining.

Pan is considerably intelligent- he is considerably talented, in many ways.  I watched him spar with Danelle.  It was entertaining.  She has beaten me so many times, it was nice to see her on her back in the dirt.

He flirted with Rita, one of my seamstresses.  I will have to set her up elsewhere- I am not so confident of my place in his affections yet that I will risk him finding another woman.  I liked Rita...but...there is a tailor I am fond of that is nearer her home and he needs some help since his shop is growing.  I will set her up there.

It was strange.  I sat upon my throne to sentence the man who killed me, as cold and indifferent as I am required to be...normal for sentencing.  I heard him out...his reasons were not so terrible.  He said it was disgusting how we kept men like pigs and limited their freedoms.  He said it was unfair- who was I to choose the way they lived?

I honestly don't know what to change.  The law states that as long as a man has a female guardian who will speak for him, he can live as he wants in society- unless he commits a crime.  Then he will be punished accordingly.  The law states that any man at the age of 25 may apply for a license of freedom if he has no guardian and has applied himself to something useful, some kind of job in which he can contribute to society.

He seemed to think I should just let them all loose.  I don't understand- he was taught history in school like all children.  He has seen actual footage of the world when men were left to do as they wish.  He has read their own personal records of war, conquest, crime...yet he says that I am wrong to do as my mothers before me have done- to keep them.  It's not like they live in barren conditions.  They live in comfort, with friendship, access to information, food, everything anyone could want...gyms, yards....

Am I wrong?  Are we wrong?  Was it worth all the crimes committed against women just for men to have their freedom?  I have read the stories of the child brides of the ancient past, the "sex slaves" and the "pleasure houses."

I cannot just give them the freedom they want, not when the risks are so high.  I will never forget the story of that little girl, the six year old raped by her "husband" on their wedding night- knowing how she bled to death internally from her injuries, how she must have been so terrified when...

This is what convicts me.  I will try everyday to see the other side, to see if i am wrong- and maybe Pan is right.  Maybe my creative punishments can be a little harsh.  But if he knew what I was required to watch, to read, to see before I took the throne, he would punish them, too.

It is only because it was Pan's first time to see me as a judge that I went so easy on that criminal.  It is only because the crime was against me that I went so easy.  The next assassin will get more than a few bullet holes to the gut.

I must go- I must tell a thief he is sentenced to four weeks in the stocks.  It wasn't a violent crime...He'll be there from 11 to 1 so anyone on a lunch break will be welcome to throw what they wish.  The rest of the time will be spent in the castle jail...I don't understand why he stole.  He is the son of a wealthy merchant and his victim was a poor minister.  Maybe he'll lose a finger or two- I shall see what Pan and Bastiana think.

Perhaps I should set up a small court for minor offenders like in all the other cities?  But this is the capital!  I should do my duty.

Goodbye, rich man's thumb.

Ah, one last note- I am laughing now, but I cannot resist- I saw his backside!  Perhaps Pan should spend a few moments in the sun?

The End

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