I looked down at the phone, sitting on my bed in front of me, the light dimming every once in a while. It was mocking me, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick it up, dial it, and talk to her. If it were any otehr day I woudl wait for when she would get off of work so I could call her. She had already been home for hours, and I had been sitting here for even longer contemplating wether or not to call her. I couldn't get myself to do it. It seemed so childish but there was nothing else I could do but look down at the phone and wish that for once I could get the courage to call her. But my courage was slowly depleating. Before I knew it, it was time for me to go to bed. My day had been wasted away sitting on my bed doing nothing. I was ungrounded, why couldn't I just invite her somewhere? I fell asleep on my pillow, unhapilly drifting away into a deep sleep.
Saturday came by all too quickly. Not yet had I called her, and she probably felt that I didn't really know her number, and that I was ignoring her. I felt so guilty.
I was sent out ot the grocery store to pick up a few things to eat for the next three weeks. I went and bought eggs, milk, bread, yogurt, and even more basic foods. I took out dad's credit card from my wallet. I took the cart up into one o f the check-out lanes. I looked at the asortment of candies and a few small samples of cologne. I picked out one of the samples and a chocolate bar and put them with the rest of my food. Finally it was my turn to check out. I had his credit card ready in my hand.
"How are you today?" The check out girl recited. I looked up and saw... Rachel. The beatiful girl who caught my eye at school.
"I'm good, Rachel," I answered. "How about yourself?" Although I wasn't really 'good' I was happy to see her.
"I'm good," She answered in that sweet voice of hers. "I didn't expect to see you here."
"I didn't expect to see you here either," I spoke, looking at her as she finished scanning all of my items.
"Cash or credit?"
I was delayed, "Oh! Uh... credit." She laughed and finished my order, bagged up my items, and sent me on my way. I pilled everything into the car. While doing so my cell phone dropped out of my pocket and onto the seat. I looked at it blankly for a moment. I slowly picked it up and looked down at the screen.
I swallowed hard and typed in the numbers, which I could still remember. I pressed it up to my ear, and rubbed the bridge of my nose slowly as I anticipated her answering machine.
"Hello?" I heard her pick up.
"Hi," I muttered awkwardly. "It's Lucas."
"Oh, the Lucas from the funeral?" She asked.
"Yeap that's me," I explained. "Hey do you want to do something today?"
"Yeah that sounds good." I smiled happily to myself.
We walked around town a bit, like we used to do. I avoided the shoe store this time, not wanting to bring back harsh memories for her. I took her out to eat at a different resteraunt that I wished. Only because I didn't want to upset her any. I had to be careful to avoid certain things, worrying that would bring up bad memories for her. I had the urge to kiss her many times, but kept my mouth shut and my tongue tied. We had a good time like we used to always do. I missed her so much but hanging out with her like this filled the void a little bit. At the end of the night she stopped me and looked at me in the eyes.
"Lucas, I had a great time, don't get me wrong," She whispered. "But you remind me so much of Ian that it's just too painful. I appreciate the effort, but I don't think I can live like this. Please, take me home."
I was hit hard in the gut by those words. I did as she wished and took her home. I coudln't live a lie any more. I was hurting her to much. I needed to let her know, but I chickened out.
When I arrived home, Juliet was sitting on the couch looking up at me with tear filled eyes.