His Ideal Girl FriendMature

There is something unnatural about this girl

Part 1

Dylan discovered her on the bus. Or perhaps she discovered him. Dylan was looking for a seat when he caught her staring at him. Staring like he was a prey of some sort. The way a child molester would stare at a toddler on the playground. There was something not right about this woman. But she was beautiful and Dylan was just a man, so he could not see the dangers beneath the surface.

            Being young and charismatic Dylan took the seat next to her. “Hey miss, mind if I join you?” She blushed a smile at him. “Go right ahead! Oh excuse me let me move my stuff.” Dylan settled in to his seat and looked back at the bus stop as the bus began to move on.

            “Wow, you saw that right?” he asked with the pent up energy of holding something in.

            “What? What was it I didn’t see?” She frantically started looking back to the bus stop.

            “You didn’t see all those bats?” he asked as if amazed.

            “No! Your kidding me, were their really bats out there? It’s broad day light.”

            “But they were huge! I was fighting one of them!

            “What are you talking about?”

 Dylan grinned back at her. “Maybe I was just seeing things”

She rolled her eyes “Your crazy.”

He just shrugged and smiled. “Sure. But I’m fun to be around.” At that she let out a laugh.

“Oh really? How do you know your fun to be around? You get reviews from your friends?”

            “Well I’m always with myself and I always have fun.” She couldn’t help but laugh at that.

            “I think I like you… what’s your name?”

            “I’m Dylan. What-“

            “Guess. Guess what my name is.”

            “This sounds like a perverse game of 20 questions.”

            “Just guess. As long as you take your first guess seriously I bet you will guess it right.” Dylan rolled his eyes and thought for a brief moment.

“Brittany?” She pulled out her wallet and showed him her driver’s license. Sure enough, “BRITTANY CASADY” was printed in bold black on the plastic. Dylan’s jaw dropped into his hands.

            “How did you do that!?!”

            “It’s a fake ID. I’m actually 20 but I like to go out.”

            “But how- was that a magic trick?”

            “No.” She beamed a knowing smile at him. “That was you. And everyone knows to never date a magician.”



Part 2

            Kyle pressed the palms of his hands together and tried to shove his lips and nose in between them while he glared angrily at Dylan over the wooden desks of the UCLA clubroom. Finally he found the words that he knew would deliver the message he needed to convey.

            “I’m happy for you. Honestly I am. I hope you even get laid after your date tonight. But talking about card tricks and tits isn’t going to help the team practice. As team captain you need to pull yourself together and focus or you should declare yourself unfit to lead and let someone else direct.”

            “Oh come off it Kyle. The Pepperdine debate team is trash this year. We stomped on them for the last two years and we will do the same this year.”

            “It is always pride before the fall.” Kyle said with a somber frustration.

            “The only fall has been me in love. This is magic! I have literally never felt so excited in my life!” Captain of the UCLA debate team and a Social Science major, Dylan had always doubted the phenomenon of “love at first sight.” But Brittany had changed the way he saw things in this world, in his reality.


            The night was young as were the two young adults who danced through the moonlight with barks of laughter and snarls of smiles. Dinner, walk on the beach, skipping stones on the lake, midnight snack at the pastry shop. It passed so fast for Dylan and the entire time Brittany was with there. Mirth fell from her pixie cut when she shook with laughter and her blue eyes were as large as the moon. She said she had grown up in a small mountain town but had moved out to LA like so many others with the hopes of landing that job as an actor. She danced and could ride horses but secretly she admitted to him that she really loved to snuggle up with a blanket and a book.

            “What’s so embarrassing about reading?” He asked a little bit insulted, as he was inclined to lots of time with his nose in books due to the debate team.

            “Hipsters read.” She said and stuck her tung out at him. 

            Dylan couldn’t help but question if she did more than just dance though. Brittany had an appetite that rivaled a high school track athlete. She was the one who suggested they get a midnight snack and she was the one who ate five of the bag of eight donuts. But it didn’t matter. Donuts were cheap and Brittany was beautiful and Dylan was truly happy and madly in love. So when Brittany asked to take a tour of Dylan’s apartment Dylan was quick to agree. And when Brittany pushed Dylan onto his bed he didn’t resist.



Part 3

            “We should go make a grocery run babe.” A week after their first date Brittany stood in his kitchen wearing only a loose night tee with album art from “Disturbed” and a black thong. Dylan didn’t understand. She was a fiend who would wrench from his loins sick pleasures for him and then feast on whatever was near. Not to say that that was not more than all right with Dylan. He liked food and he liked sex and this was the best sex he had ever had in his life. Currently, she was eating macaroni cold out of the fridge looking at him with that coy look she gave him behind the lose strands of hair of her pixie cut. 

            “Whatchu thinking about babe?”

            “Where have you been all my life?”

She smiled her smile and sauntered over to him and put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

            “I’ve been here, ya known. Hanging out.”” She kissed him once more. “I’m hungry. Lets go get something to eat.”

Dylan drove a big white truck, unmistakable from others due to a green paint scratched dent where a Prius had totaled itself on the rear of the trunk when crossing an intersection two years back. Before he put the truck in reverse he pulled a disposable camera from the glove compartment and before Britt could ask he snapped off two quick pictures. She looked at him expectantly.

            “Any for me?” She asked and thus begun a fun and cheeky game that ended up quickly filling all of the space on the camera.

            “Ill get these developed this weekend.” Dylan said as they drove off.

            “No rush.” She said and tossed the camera into the back seat

            “Hey looks its Kyle!” Kyle was walking in the opposite direction of them but they made eye contact and Dylan waved. Kyle waved back with a confused look on his face.

            “Is that Kyle from your debate team?” Brittany asked.

            “Yea. I still need to introduce you two. Hes been kinda acting like a douche lately though.”

            “Why would you want to introduce us?” She asked with a fake pout.

            “Well your both prominent figures in my life so I thought it would only be best-“

            “If you’re with him, then I can do this.” She grabbed his crotch and with nimble fingers unzipped his pants. “Unless… You don’t intend to share me with anyone else do you?” The car jerked to a stop at a red light. Dylan looked deep into her blue eyes.

            “Your mine and mine alone.” He came before the got to the grocery store.


            “Were worried about you Dylan.” Kyle had stayed late after debate and asked to have a private word. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his team captain so he paced the room back and forth. “Look at yourself man. I’m not gonna sugar coat this. Ur getting fat.  Your not showing up to debate practice prepared, you look like a mess and-”

            “Hold on mate.” Dylan cut him off. He finished up the text message he was sending then put the phone away and looked up at Kyle. “I missed that first part sorry. Start again.” Kyle was right. Dylan had grown fat. He had grown an immature unkempt beard and he was wearing the same shirt he wore yesterday.

            “What has she done to you?” Kyle asked feebly.

            “She’s made me happy, so if your gonna give me more shit about it then I’m ready to walk out of here right now and get my dick wet with her.” Dylan was happy when he was with Brittany but he had grown irritated quickly.

            “Alright! Fine! Ill get straight to it then.” Kyle stared levelly with Dylan. “We, the debate team and I, believe that you’re not in a relationship right now. We don’t think that ‘Brittany Casady’ is a real person.” Kyle took even breaths to steady himself then continued. “Dylan, are you suffering with a drug addiction?”

            It was all Dylan could do to not laugh. ”Ha! No. This is where I make some funny quip about being addicted to my girlfriend.”

            “But you cant! Your wits aren’t as sharp as they used to be. And why can’t we find Brittany’s facebook? Why haven we ever seen you two hanging out or even pictures of her?”

            “You have seen her dumb ass. Yesterday you saw us driving to Vons. I waved to you.”

            “Dude you were by yourself and you looked worse than usual.”

            “How did you miss her!?!”

            In a most serious tone Kyle asked, “Dylan were you driving under influence?”

            “No you dip shit! Fuck it! I’ll get you a fucking picture! Jesus!”


But there were no pictures. Not of Brittany at least. Dylan developed photos of himself and just himself. All of them. There were no pictures of his blonde bombshell girlfriend.  In every photo, he was smiling and happy, obviously in a fit of laughter in some of them. But he was alone.

In a panic he pulled out his phone and tried to call her. The phone wouldn’t connect. He texted instead. “Where are you? We need to talk!” A minute later he got a text. “Where are you? We need to talk!” He checked Brittany’s number and sure enough her number was a copy of his own.

            At home things were no better. Her clothes were nowhere to be seen. The food was there though. Wasn’t that a good sign? Her toothbrush was… Did she ever have a toothbrush? Now Dylan stopped. He sat on his bed and tried to make sense of it all. Who was Brittany? Where was she, no, what was she? Just as Dylan was about to break she was there in his room. Standing right in front of him with the Disturbed band tee and her black thong.  She fell to her knees in front of his bed and hugged his face to her.

            “What’s wrong babe?”

            “I - I don’t know you are.” Dylan choked between tears. “I don’t even know if your real now!” He was sobbing now. “Who-“

She put a finger over his mouth and shushed him. “Guess. As long as you take this first guess seriously I bet you will figure out what I am.”

Dylan looked into Brittany’s eyes and he knew. He didn’t have to guess. And after a twisted moment, he didn’t care. He pulled off his pants and with Brittany still on her knees, he pleasured himself once more.



The End

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