Hidden Mountain Heights Academy
Prologue
Everyone knows not to do anything in a snow storm, especially like going outside; this one was just the as good as any other winter storm. But there are those people who have nothing better to do. Around 8 in the morning it started to blow in Dr. McCarthy watch out his apartment window as the snow started to come down faster. It wasn’t sticking to the ground yet but was very hard to see through. Since it had started he had seen it go from a light snow, to nearly white out.
His muscles were starting to tighten up so he had to wake up, despite it being his day off he showered, shaved and then Started in on a good homemade breakfast…from the box. He crashed on to his couch to see what was on TV and to see how long this weather would last, but the signal kept dropping from his satellite dish. Even on his days off he made sure he something to do and to finish the book of Mark in the Bible was one thing didn’t required him doing work. He was there for about an hour, then like a commercial when things start to get interesting he was startled when his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He didn’t even realize he left his phone in his pocket from the day before. At the same time he was surprised that it was still working.
“Hello. “ John Said.
“It’s Rachel your boss”
“Oh god no.” John thought knowing that this was going to ruin his day “This is My Day off, Remember?”
“Yeah I remember, I am snowed in, so there is no driving out for me, there is too much for me to get out any time soon. I know you have a jeep can you help John?” Rachel said not very much liking to have to call in someone like him for a thing like this. She wanted someone less valuable to her but her boss told her he would be sufficient, but she knew this was only the beginning.
John Interrupted “what do you want?” He grumbled knowing that his day was wasted from here. He knew his attitude could get him fired, but at this point he really didn’t care. It was his first day off in a long time, and he was just starting to enjoy the start of it.
“I just need some files emailed to me, they’re on my computer and just Email files Ly-001-experiment. Get all that john?”
“Yeah” he said rehearsing the file name till he could write it down. John agreed and left, only because there was a hundred dollar bonus in his pay for this. The phone sat cold in his pocket. As what little conversation lingered on as he drove. Dr McCarthy played over in his mind the conversation he had with his boss, only wanting to be with her.
Dr McCarthy watched the snowflakes flutter onto the glass of his windshield, only to be cruelly swept aside by the windshield wipers. Every snow flake made the wipers get even more uneven under the weight of the snow that was collecting on top of them. He usually liked the winter season, but now was getting a little tired of it all, he had to squint to see the road before him. With his Jeep, it made driving threw the snow easier and more exciting. There was black-ice on most of the street corners, so stopping was like making his tires go in four different directions at once, he ran the stop lights and signs. Trying to stop was pointless, not even one of the cops he drove past cared. As he pulled into his work’s parking lot he noticed that there was more than just the janitor there and went in thinking nothing of it. Made it to his boss’s office which he found unlocked. Which was out of the ordinary, “Weird.” he thought.
After he logged in to the computer he found the file, and then looked at it with curiosity. When he read threw it, it talked about how the company he worked for, BIOLIFE, could alter the genes of a human and turn a person into a lycan and back. ; His company was assisting in making some kind of disease, and then he read on. It kept showing what part of the human chromosome to change and what ways to order the DNA. An alarm started to sound as he sent the document and the building went on lock down. The sound shot threw his ears like lightning making. The alarm startled him but he didn’t have to worry. He knew he was supposed to be there, he was authorized, so he kept reading on. What he was reading scared him to the core. His company was making a weapon and involved in a global revamp project; it was to select who should live and who should die, unite the world under one religion that wasn’t his, and start a one world peace. In the parts of the Document it described to him that a test of a creature. As he finished reading he heard someone trip out in the hall, and their stuff smash against the floor.
'Who's there?' he called, immediately and cautiously.
John looked out his office; He saw that one of his co-workers had somehow shown up. Which would explain the alarms, Kyle always had a gift for showing with trouble, he had noticed. Even worse was that the intern didn’t even have an alarm key to turn the alarms off. He wondered how anyone could even get outside least of all on the road with snow, possible several inches falling per hour.
“What are you doing here Kyle?” John said trying to help him up. He was entirely disgusted when he felt Kyle’s hand changing, the bones stretching and strengthening, getting fur across everywhere and his hand morphing to a human like claw. John had an idea what was coming to him, he had seen it on nearly every horror movie… he ran. He was not going to go down without a fight like any other person, but when you are in an office you have no weapons, you try anything you can.
John McCarthy Stood no chance of getting out of the building, it was in lock down. Lock-Down Mode had two purposes: 1: to contain any bacteria released & 2: Securing the Building. Kyle was the first of many werewolves to come, but the company had to destroy some of the people involved in order make the project complete: Starting with the one who ultimately could bring it down, john. It only took a few minutes for Kyle to completely transform into his new self. Kyle adored how he no longer needed a full-moon for him to become a lycan, and took that to his very advantage. He began his hunt for his co-worker. This wasn’t much of a challenge for him and neither was slicing his neck open and completely devouring him. A new Crimson paint splattered against the wall, broken test tubes laid scattered across the floor, and barley any part of Doctor McCarthy was left. 40 people were murdered that day, to the point were BIOTECH had seven employees left.
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I've decided that I won't put any kind of in-depth criticism here on protagonize. It isn't that I don't want to offend; it's that this isn't a workshop venue.
Might be a neat feature down the road... flag a story for more in-depth commentary... (red-flag to say "hit me!")"
ps...i can take blunt honest criticism so feel free to"
Then there's sentence fragments.
Overall... well this isn't a forum for criticism. If you'd like an honest criticism (constructive, mind you), send me your email via the "contact author" link on my profile.
If you're just looking for a "How'm I doing?" type of thing... I'll tell you that I think you've fallen into the same trap I fell into with my first story on protagonize. I think you've given too much, so that it feels something like a closed storyline that isn't encouraging folks to add to it. Rather, folks are more likely to page-mark it and read along...
It's clearly a story you've had on the burner for a while... and it feels like the introduction to something much larger, which can be a little intimidating... However, the premise remains an intriguing one, and could easily be revised and polished.
Of course, this is only my vain, egocentric, opinion. Take everyones' opinion with a grain of salt."
the
grammar
and
mistakes
overall
what
did
you
think?"
This also appears to be the same story as under HMHA Wolf... Was it just to split it up? How much of the story have you predefined? Is there room for others to play?"