Hi. My name is Wiggy.......

My name is Wiggy. I am a cat. I think I am anyway. I cant read, but I look like the ones I’ve seen on the television box thing, the thing my pets watch. The big man one, I think his name is Andrew (?), he is the leader of the little pack. Then there is his woman, her name is either Beth or Babes, I’m not sure which, as she answers to both.

My life isn’t so bad, to be honest. I don’t go out, but that is because the house that we all share is on a main road. Other cats that they have had, have been killed by the noisy big things that they sit in. I spend my days making sure the house is safe. That nobody else has come in when my pets aren’t here. My method of standing guard is as simple as it is fool proof. I act like I am asleep, so that I am ready to pounce on any intruders. But the genius doesn’t end there, oh no. Instead of attacking them, and getting their blood everywhere, I will run up to them, and force them to pick me up by acting all cute and dopey, and, in doing so, I cover them in my fur. That way, they can be easily spotted out in the wild. This is why we cats rule the world. We make brilliance look easy.

I mean, take my pets. The man Andrew, he honestly thinks I listen to him. Can you believe that? What a cheek. Ok, fair enough, if I am in his chair, and I don’t want to move, I cant really do anything when he picks me up…but!…as soon as he is settled down, I just jump onto his lap and snuggle into his belly anyway. He is more comfortable than the chair or sofa, and warmer too. So I win. Wiggy 1, pets 0.

I have my cat litter changed regularly, and all I need to do is say I want food, and he puts my food out for me. It only took me a few days to train him to do that, but he isn’t the brightest, bless him. He does get annoyed if I pee on his slippers though. I don’t know what he gets annoyed about, I am just marking them as mine. When he isn’t here, I play with them all day, and its only when he is home do I need to lend them back to him. We swap you see. I give him his slippers, he gives me his shoes, or his trainers. Ohhhh, the smell!! Drives me wild. Better than catnip any day. He does laugh when I get my head stuck in his big boots trying to lick the taste of the smell though. He even took a picture of me like that once…I got my own back though. I waited till he was on the loo, then I was sick onto the floor in front of him. Take photos of me indeed.

Not that I am not photogenic. I have allowed him to take lots of pictures of me, because I am rather handsome, if I say so myself. I have one or two female admirers who come to see me from time to time. I don’t know why, but they keep telling to come out into the garden as ‘they have been done at the vets and there is no need to worry’…Worry about what? And what’s a vet? Anyway. I usually just show off to them, doing somersaults and singing to them when sat on the window sill. My pets find it funny watching me do the somersaults, but don’t like me singing loudly for some reason. When I do that, they try and sing over me, or throw toys at me to get me to stop…I do, because its embarrassing watching them trying to out-sing me.

Beth, the woman. She is lovely. She always picks me up and gives me a cuddle. She learnt how to do that in one or two days, I think, but then, she is a lot smarter then him . Only a little bit of coaching for her to get it right. Her slippers are fun to play with, they have little things on them that I can bite and chew. But she normally hides them from me, she likes to play that game a lot.

They don’t like it when they eat food and I want to sit on their laps though. He does get annoyed then. And I don’t know why, but if he is eating chicken, he just doesn’t want to share it with me. He will sometimes, but if I go to pick some up from his tray…oh he doesn’t like that at all.

Right. That is enough for me now, if he finds out I have been typing on his laptop, he may make me get a job or something. I hope some of my other cat friends read this, and decide to write something too.

Cheers all, Wiggy.

The End

1 comment about this story Feed