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Shane stays to see what comes out

    Theres a sound of pressure escaping and steam bursts out from the opening in the pod. Whatever is in there has been well preserved for however long it was in space.

    Suddenly the pain in his arm moves further and faster, over his chest to his other arm. Before Shane knows it, its spreading down his legs and over his head. The pain is almost unbearable now.

    Suddenly Shane is stiffened and electric shocks shoot through his body, he screams out in pain falling to his knees. The inhaler falls from his hand as he clutches and unclutches his fists. Electric bolts visibly spread over his body covering him in blue sparks.

    Shane continues to scream into the dark night, hardly noticing that the pod is halfway open now, the entire crater is filled with steam. Shane continues to convulse in pain.

    Suddenly the electric shocks suddenly stop and Shane falls down fully into the crater, loosing consciousness. Before his eyes fully close dragging him into darkness he sees two bent claws step in front of him. But their fuzzy and he can't be sure.

    Theres a hissing noise and Shane finally passes out into darkness.

   

    Sunlight plays over his face. Shane begins to open his eyes, a twinkling light shines brightly at first, so bright that Shane can't see anything but light. His eyes begin to adjust and Shane sees that he's in the field that he ran out to last night.

    "But what am I doing here?" Shane thinks to himself, "Why did I come out here last night.

    Try as he might he can't seem to remember any of the details of last night. Suddenly he shoots up, realizing that he's been gone all night, and his parents are probably wondering where the hell he is.

    He's not sure how he will explain this to them when he doesn't even know why he came out himself. He gets up brushes himself off and looks around. For some reason something is nagging at him to look over at a certain area of the field. But theres nothing special anywhere, just more grass. He pushes the thought from his mind and runs home.

    But as Shane nears the house running he finds that no one has woken up yet. The sun is still pretty low in the sky its probably about 4 am. His father doesn't get up until 5.

    Shane stops at the front of his house. He breathes in deeply, suddenly realizing that his asthma has not acted up at all during his entire run home. In fact he was able to run without even feeling winded.

    He checks his pocket, and realizes its probably a good thing because his inhaler is missing. He figures he must have left it on the grass when he woke up in the field. He shrugs not worrying about it for now and sneaks into the house.

    If he's lucky he can sleep for another 3 hours, so he crawls into bed and closes his eyes. Before drifting off again he rubs the back of his neck, not really noticing the small bump of red irritated skin that has formed back there. Then he's off to sleep once more.

5.00
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13 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "sure no prob

lookin forward to reading it whenever you find the time

:)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "Gimmie some time to mull over it, my girl is napping but she'll be awake soon and want some WB attention haha... I'll get back to it maybe later tonight."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "anyone going to add to this? - because I could do another branch
WB?

:)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "I've got to get out of this 'like' fetish I seem to have. It's like getting like too much."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Too cliched? Hope it's ok anyway. I like describing dreams :-)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Lol tense change. Maybe we should stick to one tense?

But v exciting adventure.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "I actually prefer prologues, and I usually write them with every story. I guess thats where the exposition side of me comes out. I suppose I can tweak again though. I've been tweaking a lot already :P."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Rac7hel "yours and mine, at least. And here's a 5 for your branch too. :)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Re exposition. I tend to avoid it as much as I can. Most of it is stuff anyone reading doesn't need to know right away, and that they can gather anyway from later events.

This is my reason: In general exposition - ie chunks of explanations in the text that don't move the action forward - always sound to me as if it's the writer working out the plot details, like a kind of synopsis.

You really don't need so much of it I think. I also dislike prologues for this reason.

But then I am weird. No need to go by what I say, and take everything exactly with as much salt as you like. This is all strictly my opinion :-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Rac7hel "I agree with Seldom here. I think it would have been better to start with the character, and the extreme coincidence that he was looking through his telescope and saw a comet that actually crashed onto his property. And you keep all the really interesting stuff in your head and subtly reveal it throughout the story-making process. Then it becomes a game for you, to take the story in your head plus whatever people write, and mold them together. At least that's what I find to be really fun about this site. And the shorter the intro, the easier it is to branch. Same thing I was saying on your Sub-Aquatic Bearthing story. All in all I really like this concept, and Shane... a nerd, even in his coolest dreams. ;)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "I kind of had an idea of what I wanted this story to be but I didn't like the finished product. Oh well one of the bastard children that usually come out haha.

I hear the word exposition attached to a lot of my writing, I guess I must be an exposition writer! :P
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Liked Shane as a character, but I wasn't sure you needed so much explanation at the start. Prefer to jump straight into the character - maybe a personal thing. I've been told off before for not explaining enough lol so perhaps it's my failing.
Anyway, enjoyed. Particularly the last two thirds where we get closer to the action and there's less exposition.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "Now, I'm basing where I think this story will go a lot on three things. The Rocketeer, Metroid and Guyver. If anyone actually knows what the last one is you're a movie buff like me.
It is NOT at all based on transformers and I don't even want to hear that connection :P, its not at all based on that!
"

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