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...paper.

    'Nerdy Kid Finds Comet!'

    Shane shook his head in dismay, even in his fantasies he was a loser. He moved the thought from his head and focused on where the comet had hit the ground. He felt his asthma kick in when he was at least a kilometer away from what he could now see of the smoking crater.

    He stopped and wheezed as he reached for his asthma inhaler. Taking deep breathes he inhaled the drug slowly, all the time watching the crater, almost as if he expected some beast to come crawling out of it.

    The idea teased his mind and he had to take a few more puffs to calm himself down before he was able to continue. He jammed the inhaler back in his pocket and slowly made his way towards the crater, until he was just able to peek over the edge and take a look inside the hole.

Whats that crawling out?

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13 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

Just Chatting
seldom "sure no prob

lookin forward to reading it whenever you find the time

:)
"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "Gimmie some time to mull over it, my girl is napping but she'll be awake soon and want some WB attention haha... I'll get back to it maybe later tonight."
Just Chatting
seldom "anyone going to add to this? - because I could do another branch
WB?

:)
"
Just Chatting
seldom "I've got to get out of this 'like' fetish I seem to have. It's like getting like too much."
Just Chatting
seldom "Too cliched? Hope it's ok anyway. I like describing dreams :-)"
Just Chatting
seldom "Lol tense change. Maybe we should stick to one tense?

But v exciting adventure.
"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "I actually prefer prologues, and I usually write them with every story. I guess thats where the exposition side of me comes out. I suppose I can tweak again though. I've been tweaking a lot already :P."
Just Chatting
Rac7hel "yours and mine, at least. And here's a 5 for your branch too. :)"
Just Chatting
seldom "Re exposition. I tend to avoid it as much as I can. Most of it is stuff anyone reading doesn't need to know right away, and that they can gather anyway from later events.

This is my reason: In general exposition - ie chunks of explanations in the text that don't move the action forward - always sound to me as if it's the writer working out the plot details, like a kind of synopsis.

You really don't need so much of it I think. I also dislike prologues for this reason.

But then I am weird. No need to go by what I say, and take everything exactly with as much salt as you like. This is all strictly my opinion :-)
"
Just Chatting
Rac7hel "I agree with Seldom here. I think it would have been better to start with the character, and the extreme coincidence that he was looking through his telescope and saw a comet that actually crashed onto his property. And you keep all the really interesting stuff in your head and subtly reveal it throughout the story-making process. Then it becomes a game for you, to take the story in your head plus whatever people write, and mold them together. At least that's what I find to be really fun about this site. And the shorter the intro, the easier it is to branch. Same thing I was saying on your Sub-Aquatic Bearthing story. All in all I really like this concept, and Shane... a nerd, even in his coolest dreams. ;)"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "I kind of had an idea of what I wanted this story to be but I didn't like the finished product. Oh well one of the bastard children that usually come out haha.

I hear the word exposition attached to a lot of my writing, I guess I must be an exposition writer! :P
"
Just Chatting
seldom "Liked Shane as a character, but I wasn't sure you needed so much explanation at the start. Prefer to jump straight into the character - maybe a personal thing. I've been told off before for not explaining enough lol so perhaps it's my failing.
Anyway, enjoyed. Particularly the last two thirds where we get closer to the action and there's less exposition.
"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "Now, I'm basing where I think this story will go a lot on three things. The Rocketeer, Metroid and Guyver. If anyone actually knows what the last one is you're a movie buff like me.
It is NOT at all based on transformers and I don't even want to hear that connection :P, its not at all based on that!
"

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