Secret WishesMature


As I stand under the water in the shower, my thoughts drift back to school, and helping the boy, Kyle, out of his situation with Derek. I have to admit, his chestnut hair was pretty entrancing. And he had a sweet voice, something you'd hear from a singer in the  band, Snow Patrol. And his was like melted milk chocolate truffles, one of my favorites. However, his character was a bit sketchy...honestly, I've never met the guy before. Maybe he's a new student? That would explain why Derek was so surprised to see that you "knew" Kyle. I played with the idea, turning off the water and quickly jumping out of the shower to get some clothes on before the blood flow started again. 

I was in the process of struggling into an oversized T-shirt, when I remembered that Kyle had possibly seen Cassiel. I recalled Kyle's eyes passing over my angel, and hovering there for a good three seconds. Specifically where Cassiel was standing. I frowned, and concentrated on the memory. Could Kyle see Cassiel? 

Cas? I need to talk to you about something. I project my thought out to my angel, and felt his presence outside in my bedroom. Yes, Alessa? He replies. I can tell he's caught up in some thoughts, but I couldn't make out what, so I gave up on trying to figure it out. Do you remember the Kyle boy? The one that was about to be beaten up by Derek? 

Although I was not touching Cassiel physically, I knew he had flinched at the reminder through the bond we share. Maybe he was remembering that I lied for the guy... I shake off the thought, and listen for my angel's reply. Yes, I remember the chestnut haired boy. Why do you ask Alessandra? I pull the edge of the shirt down, which ended just above my knees. It would be comfortable for me to just go to sleep like this....but I don't want to have another repeat of leaking like this morning. Huffing, I snatch a pair of sweat pants up from the counter in front of me and slide it on. Do you think he saw you? I ask Cassiel, pulling the waist band of the pants above my hips. Because it seemed like he stared at you for a good three seconds. With that thought, I replay the scene in my mind in slow motion, trying to capture each detail. I knew Cassiel seen the memory and I felt him think about it a little. It is a good chance that he was looking at someone behind me. I do not know if he was able to see me or not, Alessa. However, it is a bit mysterious...if he was staring at someone behind me- I throw open the bathroom door and step out in to my bedroom. "-then his eyes would have followed their movement." Cassiel finished his thought with words, a deep concentrating look in his eyes. I clamber into my bed and settle down beside Cassiel, my hair clinging to my shirt and skin.

"Have you heard of anyone else seeing angel, or anything like that? Anyone else like me?" I ask Cassiel softly, keeping an ear out for my grandparents. I've never told my grandparents about Cassiel or what really killed my parents and my sister all those years ago. Thankfully, they never brought it up to me, just took me in when I was age 5 with tears and prayers of thanks. Whenever I go out to do some demon killing or helping spirits move on, I left in the middle of the night, after my grandparents were fast asleep. They rarely checked on me, thinking I needed my privacy, much to my appreciation and relief.

Cassiel shook his head slightly, and I felt disappointment hit me. For the past 5 years, I've been looking for someone who could see the supernatural, just like me. So far, I've turned up with nothing. Cassiel, seeming to know that I was feeling a bit lonely, wrapped his arms around me, a comfort I only accept from my angel. His warmth seeped into my bones, making me relaxed and tired. "Do not worry Alessa. I am sure there are others like you, I just do not know where." I hear his words, but I make no move to acknowledge them, rather choosing to contemplate it in my head. 

We sit there for a while, before I hear Cassiel sigh and let me go gently. "I must reset the barriers Alessa. I wish to fly a little as well." His molten gold eyes lock on to mine, and he stares at me, waiting for the approval. I smile, and nod. "It's fine Cas. Just come back okay?" I wanted my angel near me while I slept, not wanting the dark to sneak up on me and drag me down to another horrifying nightmare. I shiver as I see Cassiel nod, and disappear through the wall to the night world outside. As soon as Cassiel left, a foreboding sensation filled the room, making me feel frightened. I hated being alone, no matter where I was. I couldn't even use the school bathroom unless someone else was in there, even if it had to be my angel. Scared, I flicked on all the lights in my room, wrapped a thick blanket around me and sat on the bed. My eyes dart around my room, over my desk to the right of my bed, the lamp illuminating the homework I finished and had to turn in tomorrow. I then stared at my dresser in front of my bed, the pictures of my deceased parents and sister returning my stare. Sketches I drew of Cassiel and I decorated the once empty walls of this room and I look at each one, waiting to see if I could see a flicker of movement in any of them. I know...I'm paranoid.

My gaze finds the sketch of Cassiel's face and I focus on his eyes. I had colored it faintly, not wanting to destroy the image with coloring too hard. His golden eyes looked into mine, full of compassion and understanding, and I felt a little secure. I grew up watching those eyes, always looking for the acceptance, the care in them. I was never disappointed, not even by my sketches of those familiar eyes. My mind flashed back to this afternoon, when Cassiel and I watched the sun set from the oak tree on a deserted hill. 

He called me beautiful... I thought, and my fingers brushed my forehead, where Cassiel kissed me. I could still feel it, his soft lips pressing on my head, even those I was a bit sweaty. Those lips.... An image of my dream last night hit me, and I remembered the feel of his lips on mine. He was gentle, no matter where he was. In my dreams, on the paper I drew him on, even in real life. I felt a stir in my chest, and I flinched. What is this feeling? I didn't want to find out, I was afraid of knowing what it was. Frightened to see what it could possibly be, I laid down and faced the desk, trying to calm my racing heart. 

I had a picture of me on the beach on my desk, smiling towards the camera my grandma had been holding when I was just 15 years old. We had gone to the coast, and my grandma wanted pictures of me with the sunset. She had captured the image perfectly, the sun touching the horizon in a gentle caress behind me, the scattered clouds above me colored in a show of salmon pink, and multiple shades of yellow, orange and even a bit of red. The setting sun's rays illuminated my face just a little, even though it was behind me. I was more to the left of the frame, a pose I insisted on when taking the photo. My grandma didn't know, but she had also captured Cassiel in the picture, who took up the other half of the photo. 

If I concentrated enough, I could picture Cassiel smiling beside me on that beach, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. He didn't want to intrude on the photo shoot but I begged him so much that in the end, he joined in. I could recall the burning feeling of the sun's rays on my back and the warmth radiating from Cassiel's body. That was the first time I smiled since the murder of my parents and my sister. Maybe that's why my grandmother was so intent on making copies of that picture and posting it nearly everywhere in the house. 

In my mind, I pictured Cassiel beside me in the photo, his arm around me, his golden eyes glowing and mouth in a wide grin. And maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me, but Cassiel appeared in the real photo, exactly how I pictured him. I closed my eyes, not wanting to open them again before I see myself lonely in the picture again. Why does Cassiel have to be an angel..? Why couldn't he be me? I knew that would have made a major change in my life, as in I wouldn't be alive right now, living and breathing in my bed. But it didn't stop me from wishing that Cassiel was just a little normal...or that he could be human like everyone else. 

I toyed with the idea of Cassiel being a normal human, being able to be seen by my grandparents and accompanying me everywhere I go, not as an escort, but as a friend. With vivid images of Cassiel laughing with me at school, or even taking me to the movies, I fall asleep with a faint smile on my lips.

The End

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