Helping MyselfMature

''life is nothing again and i cant take it anymore alright!, i just cant take it...'' ''oh shut up you silly girl!'' she interjected. ''you know you'll do it anyway, don't tell people, it'll look like you want attention, no doubt you do you little &*!@''
i felt tears brimming in my eyes
all the anger, all the fear, it was swelling in my chest, making my lungs feel heavy and pressured.

walking out of my classroom,  silence, thats good, no one calling my name, thats even better, i don't want to talk to anyone.

looking around, looking at all the faces passing by, some carefree, some looking stressed, some emotionless, i look into them, shes just thinking about what her next class is. my face would be emotionless if i were thinking about that too, her thoughts are all tangled up..hmm...hard to read, hard to see..oh...

i sigh, bored and ungrateful

its just boyfriend trouble.

i guess i knew it wouldnt be anything better, no one ever thinks about things i take into account, except maybe teachers and some of the psychiatrists i get sent to.

they think their like me, they think they know what goes on inside my mind. they are so wrong.

so far wrong that they dont even realise they are hundreds of miles in the opposite direction

walking. walking. stop, pull the door open. walking. going up. walking. entering a classroom. Another. God-Forsaken. Fucking. Classroom.

another sigh.

we've got a sub today, so it's not all bad, and hey, its last period, ill be out after this, and ill be out early..ish.

as i set my schoolbag on the floor, a wave of nausea fell over my head and a sharp, almost excrutiating stab of pain hit my gut, i heard a sortof pained moan as my head hit the floor. then nothing.

i woke up and looked about me.

''god..everything's so..Bright..''..i moaned in agony as i closed my eyes again and sat up letting my head fall forward, feeling grateful as my hair fell infront of my face to guard my eyes from the blinding light

i bit my eyelids together and re-opened them. only then did i see the drip connected to my arm, i screamed and ripped it off as well as all the other little wires they had connected to me. ''Oh God..im in a hospital!..Shit...''

i got out of my bed, ripped out the wires on my other arm and the few they had dared to put on my chest, the pervy bastards. I ran the the ladies toilets and waited behind the door for my victim.

its cold in here. they should have decent heating in bathrooms, these cunts dont know shit. 'what was that?? i think i heard the word cunt Rose, thats a bad word, dont you know that?? silly little Rosie-pops...you fucking slut - ''shut the fuck up you little cunt i didnt ask for your input in my thoughts. although, when has that ever stopped you before you nosy bitch.'' she ceased. shes gone.

my victim walked in after about twenty-five minutes or so, im not counting. she was pretty, small, nice ass, ill give her that.

brunette, green eyes

i grabbed her by the throat and forced her against the wall. '' you wanna live?'' i asked her with coarseness in my voice. she gasped and choked as my fingers tightened and whispered ''y-yes!; please, let m-me go''

''you would like to live...alright..but i need your clothes.'' i look of pure surprise and disgust flickered across her face, but it was gone when i re-tightended my temporarily relaxed hand on her windpipe. ''Strip. Now.'' i growled. She choked ''okay okay! please just let me go'' tears started slipping from her eyes, i felt sorry for her. She was crying over something so small. So insignificant, surely she didnt actually think i was going to take her life? Why would i want to, i have no motive at all, and to be totally honest, nowhere to hide the body. Or any way of getting her corpse out of this building without being seen.

i stroked her face ever so lightly as she started unbuttoning her shirt nervously, at this she looked at me and asked ''Are you straight?'' i looked at her, smirked a mere second or so and replied ''No, im bisexual'' with a slightly ironic tone in my voice, her eyes widened and she backed against the wall she was so adamant to get away from before ''your...you aren't going to..you know..please dont rape me! please, ill do anything...'' there was silence, i looked up and brought a tone of apology into my voice as i whispered ''honey, Whats your name?'' more tears were falling now, faster, her breathing was racing her and she was losing ''C-Catherine'', my eyes tensed as i forced my way into her mind. ''Don't lie to me, lying is the one thing i hate above most other things. please, what is your name'' a frightful look swept her features just as quickly fleeing her mind and she stumbled ''m-my name's Alana''

she had stopped undressing now, i looked at her with a pleased expression on my face ''thankyou, for being truthful, and now for what i want to say... alana, i've been raped in four different ways by three people and another person has tried and failed in doing what the others succeeded in, i know how it feels, i am not in any circumstance, going to rape you, i'm asking you to strip so that i cant safely leave this building without being suspected or noticed, now please give me your clothes''

she looked at me knowing that i was being completely truthful and hugged me telling me she was sorry for what had happened to me. ''it doesnt matter, please alana it was a long time ago, now i need to get away from here before they notice im not in my assigned bed'' she began unbuttoning her shirt quickly and then stopped, looking at me uncomfortably ''you, have a bra and pants dont you?'' i laughed and nodded to her on both items of clothing sudden realisation hit me and i removed the staple hospital clothing they had put me in at arriving here and sat on the counter beside a sink to wait until Alana had finished undressing so i could put her clothes on ''hey, alana, what size do you take anyhow?'' ''six to eight'' she replied ''good, thats my size, i knew id picked the right one when i saw you'' she unbuttoned her jeans and carefuly peeled them off of her legs, and man was she beautiful under those clothes, she caught me staring and gave me a funny look so i said ''you dont realise how drop-dead-gorgeous you are do you?'' she gave me a look of pure astonishment and laughed at these words ''yeahh, right, in my Dreams''  i sighed and muttered ''and you think they stare because your ugly, you silly woman'' she frowned and thought this over ''how did you know i thought that?'' and gave a sarcastic laugh and said ''because thats what every beautiful woman thinks, every, single, one.''

with that she had finished and took my hospital gown hesitantly sighing and then slipping it over her head ''right, my bed number is 46 and it resides in ward 8 its just down the hall, unmissable, go and lie in my bed, go to sleep, no one will even notice you're there.''

i finished buttoning up her shirt on myself and slipped my feet a little uncomfortably into her shoes, she must be atleast half a size smaller than me, but these shoes have been broken in well, they should be managable, with that i turned and made my hair and face look human again and left the ladies bathrooms. 

The End

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