Hello, my name isn't...


Well then I can see we're all aboard. I've signaled the conductor and he's started the engines at full speed ahead. Sit back, relax, keep your arms and legs inside the train at all times. Wouldn't want them being ripped off by a passing Feglesprig, or one of them nasty Hasperaths. They're dangerous!

At any rate it's mid day, refreshments will be served once we're out of the station. Not sure why they have that rule, but I don't make them up now do I.

"Um... yes you do." Says a man in the front left seat.

Oh shut up, you're ruining the atmosphere!

Before us lay the lands of our authors psyche, please respect and revere the creatures therein.

Now. Ah here we are, we've just entered the plains of Neversober. This is the native stomping grounds of the fowl Urbensteiner. A gargantuan humanoid known for devouring stocks of alcohol wherever it may be found. Hence why they don't live 'round these parts much since they've already scoured the place dry.

Ah yes, the Handsomerman. This lush forest to our left is the home of the latter, the most famous of our authors aspects, not because it is the greatest, but because It simply always wants to be seen, herm.. at it's best! It's the egosentrical epicentre of all civilizations within the land. Here, if you're not sombody, you're a body! No joke, you with the bad hair, stay hidden for the next twenty or so minutes.

Moving right along. Now we're going to be entering a few series of tunnels, so those of you on laptops or cellular phones may lose your connections. We're entering the mountains of the Inteligems range. Here the native Yet-tobe gather their most prized posetions; their stories! They write them down on the hides and climb the mountain for days before reaching the top, many perish, but those who make it honour our author's most reveared temple with the greatest stories throughout the land! Please don't feed them anything, they're a bother in the spring time.

Ah, coming into the valleys of the shadow of schetz. The dominant race herein plays out their history in fantastical murals which you may see when we pass through the canyon up ahead. These creatures are the source of our authors sporadic scribble urges, in which if there is a paper nearbye, it MUST be drawn upon!

Through the valley we go, the canyon, is it not beautiful? Watch as the river becomes a raging torrent! Yes, within these waters lives the enigmatic Postlefish. Which, unfortunately for them, are eaten on a regular basis by the Atheisharks who... of course, know their prey will simply cease to exist upon death! Good thing the Postlefish believe otherwise. All in all, the Agnostofish wins the show as it's large mouth devours all.

Now, we'd love to go further into the ocean to show you the beauties therein, however, the tracks don't float! and so we can only stay on the shores. Besides, the Sirens and Mermaids of those waters would surely have all the males of this here train sweating up a storm and perhaps creating other messes of which we shall not speak.It's a good thing we're not going there anyway, this story isn't tagged Mature!

Well then, here's our next stop! The shores of the Fantasmal sea! Please watch your step, and don't spend too much time with the local ladies boys, honestly, they're only out to get your money. Or worse, your soul! Hah...

You should all be back by 4 O'clock, we'll be leaving then for the deserts of Wealth, where... strangely, there is no wealth!

The End

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