I stared through the window, watching them eating thanksgiving dinner as I sat outside on the rock by the elm tree in the front yard, wishing I could have something as delicious as a measly turkey sandwich.
"Happy Thanksgiving!" I imagine them all saying as they raise their glasses over a golden-brown roasted turkey. My mouth waters just thinking about Turkey and roast potatoes with salt and gravy. Not to mention the corn and peas on the side. What I wouldn't give just to have a drop of gravy and one roast potatoe. I watch as the man sitting at the head of the table puts his hand on top of the woman's to his right. Love, another thing I need but never get.
The man is my father, or, at least he was. The woman, my ex-mother and the rest of them my ex-brothers and sisters with their families that I never knew. I was the youngest of six, so when the whole family gets together for Thanksgiving it's as if they're feeding an army of two-hundred.
I turn away from the window, not being able to bare watching them eat their decadent dinner by candle light, and climb up the tree so that I'm sitting in the uppermost branches. I'm right at the top of the tree so there are no leaves blocking my view of the sky. Every star twinkles, winking at me. I wink back, it's an old habit. It makes me feel as though I'm connected with the stars, as though I'm special.
I snort, I've never been special. Even my parents never called me special. I snort again, thinking that my parents never even loved me. I never got a pat on the back, or a "Good Job, Jordan!". No wonder I'm so fucked up. I laughed, but it caught in my throat by a lump that was forming. I never even had any friends, just people who bullied me, a.k.a. bitches, and guys who drooled over me. Guys who told me, "I love you Jordan,". They never loved me, they loved what I looked like. The lump grew bigger with every word I thought, growing until it swelled in my throat, and in my head, until it swelled up into my eyes and pushed diamond like tears from my eyes.
"Your a worthless bitch, and I hope you die on the street," I re-called the words my mother had said to me before she'd kicked me out. The lump swelled even larger and now, my tears flowed with no halt. It felt as though I was watering the tree. The stars blurred together through my watery eyes and they mingled. Every winking light joining with every twinkling star to create a menagerie of different sized blobs of flaming gas that melted together through my eyes. I blinked, and for a split second I saw a face in the stars, a boys face that was looking at me with eyes full of concern, and something I'd never seen before. It felt as though if he looked away from me and back again, the life in his eyes would disappear for just a second but re-appear as soon as he saw me. It was something I saw in my Mother's and Father's eyes when they looked at each other, but something I'd never experience for my self.
The boy in the stars looked at me with Love.