Stephanie… I hadn’t thought about her since the crash. The selfishness and self-centeredness had been swallowed up by everything else going on. But that wasn’t an excuse. Stephanie. My love. My fiancée. My best friend.
She obtrudes my battered skull now. Her tinkling laughter that was once such a blessing mocks me, and I grab at my head, shaking it. Get out. Her voice turns melancholy. Why, Leanord? Why haven’t you thought of me? Why did you leave me?
I couldn’t think of you. I thought back to the moment everything went black, as the car’s ruins whorled downhill and my hand miraculously found her limp one, despite the lack of control I had over my head. Then the wreckage that was once a functioning vehicle settled itself in the riverbed run dry with one last thud; my spine ripped itself away from the life-long friendship it held with my brain. The same with our loosely clasped hands.
And I left Stephanie to find her own way into the dark. “GET OUT!” I yell at the hallucination while pounding my head with my fists, trying to delete the memory, with tears streaming down my face. I stop and take a raggedy, shallow breath. Rage greets it.
It takes hold of my soul and warps my thoughts into nettles, scraping and scratching my skull. How dare she? I had bottled up those memories, kept them far away in the back of my mind where even The One could not reach them. Fury bubbles up and explodes like dynamite within my mind, making my vision go dim around the edges.