I was busy doodling at the desk at work today. It was one of those slow days…these are the best, where I can think without interruption. I felt a tap on my back of a hand and I turned my head slightly to see Savvy. I call her Savvy because I never like calling her Savannah. Savvy suited her.
“You need help later today?” she asked leaning against the desk with me.
“No, me and Oliver got it.” I replied.
Savvy is my best friend. She never left me, she never thought bad of me, and I love her like a sister.
“How you hangin’ in today?” She asked.
“Just fine…it’s just another year right?” I said blankly.
Savvy rubbed my back and kissed the side of my head. “It’s alright. You know you didn’t have to work today.”
“Working gets my mind off things…its better.” I said.
“Want me to come with you to your mom’s?” she asked.
“Yes, please.” I said. “I need a driving buddy.”
“Ight, let’s go on and leave and get ready Luce.” Savvy said taking my arm and leading us to clock out and we went to my 2006 red Civic.
I jammed in the key and the engine roared to life. As I drove I was wondering how Justin was doing on his meds. I hope he gets clean soon. What he would never tell anyone, not even the counselor was why he started OxyContin in the first place. I don’t know why because I have had my trouble coping with Oliver over Charlie.
That night though…we made love…so wouldn’t we have kept Charlie out of love? I regret it. I regret not keeping Charlie. I will never know his ways to pick up girls. And from real experience I’ll know and make sure he wouldn’t have sex until he was married. But I love Oliver, and he is the best guy. He didn’t leave me when most guys would have, he has always been there, and here for me since eighth grade. Losing Charlie was like losing a little of both me and Oliver.
I pulled in the driveway of mom’s house and I told Savvy to wait in the Civic since I only had to get a picture of me and Oliver at our eighth grade formal dance.
I opened the door and when I closed it back mom was racing back and forth and she was about to leave as well.
“Mom? What’s the rush?” I asked.
She didn’t answer she was fast walking too fast to hear me.
“Mom?” I called again.
“What?” mom snapped.
“What’s wrong mom?” I asked her.
“Justin’s in the hospital.” She almost screamed.
“What happened to Justin?” I asked nervous.
“He had another overdose of Oxy again.” Mom barked in a fast tone.
“How long will it be before y’all make it to the funeral?” I asked.
“I DON’T KNOW!” she screamed at me.
I was taken back from the harshness.
“Justin is in trouble, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve got to hurry.” She rushed.
“Mom!” I screamed to get her attention.
“Not right now! I’ll try to be at the funeral as soon as I possibly can. Are you coming with me?” she asked.
“Where?” I asked.
“To the hospital for Justin!” she screamed.
Then it became a scream fest.
“I HAVE TO GO TO MY SON’S FUNERAL!!!” I said.
“What’s more important, your son you couldn’t take care of or your living brother who needs help right now?” mom shot.
I felt like a bullet just missed my heart.
“MOM!” I screamed. “My son is very important to me! You have no right to make me choose.”
“I’m just saying, you have a choice: Your helpless brother or the son you never had.” Mom snapped.
“Sally!” I screamed again. “Of course my son—!”
“It’s only your son if you gave birth to him!” mom shouted. Then she left and slammed the door closed.
I busted into tears. My hands clamping down on my face and the hurt and agony my mom left me with burned in my brain and chest. Instead of getting the picture I wanted, I stormed out the door and Savvy was in the driver’s seat. Perfect.
I got in the passenger’s seat and she immediately cradled my in comfort.
“Shh. Shh. It’s alright, Lucy, it’s gonna be alright.” She tried to calm me down. “You wanna tell me what happened?”
“Sally isn’t going to be any help. She’s concerned at Justin and I am too, but to miss her grandson’s funeral?” I wept. “I don’t even know why she said ‘it’s only your son if you gave birth to him’.”
Savvy hugged me tighter and kissed my head trying to calm me down. I felt defeated and destroyed. “It’s alright Lucy. It’s gonna be okay.” She repeated.
My face cringed in hurt and I’m basically curled in a ball weeping like a child. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and I felt like puking but nothing was coming up. My arms linked around Savvy’s and I was buried in her embrace.
Why would Sally say that? Why? Doesn’t she know I wish I could hold my son’s hand?