“How are you feeling honey?” I asked Justin over the phone line.
“You sure? Remembering to take your medication?” I asked again.
“Yeah I’m fine.”
There was a tone in his voice that sounded like he didn’t want to talk.
“You seem nervous.” I commented.
“I’m fine ma, thanks.”
“What’s bothering you?” I asked concerning.
He let out a sigh and said, “It’s just tomorrow is Charlie, and I don’t know if tensions are going to be high, because ten years is a number most people get emotional for some reason, like 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, and so on you know?”
“Yea, I agree that it’s hard. It’s hard for everyone. Especially Lucy and Oliver.” I agreed.
“It’s just when I think about it, I’ll never have a nephew like that again.” Justin said.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Like how Charlie would’ve been. I’ll never have a nephew like him.”
“I’m sure Lucy and Oliver feel the same way. I just don’t want you thinking too harshly about it, and then next thing y’know, I’m rushing to the hospital because you overdosed in too much OxyContin.”
“I’m struggling ma, you know that.”
“I know, I know…it’s just that I don’t like you when you’re that way.”
“I’m trying mom, I really am. It’s hard, everything right now, this year and next year will be hard.”
“Nothing is easy.”
“You’re not thinking that.”
I am taken back from what Justin said. “Then what am I thinking?”
“You’re thinking, ‘It’s easy to have said no’.”
“That’s not true. I would never think that about you Justin.”
“Why didn’t you say that to Luce, when she was in trouble? You and dad never said “nothing is easy” when she had to make a hard decision. Y’all just kept questioning her.”
Justin always had good memory. “You were too young to understand the situation. You weren’t an adult, and what happened with Luce and Oliver was an adult situation.”
“They were seventeen mom! They were kids! They were scared, but they weren’t adults in the slightest way. I don’t know if they made the right decision or not but they we’re not adults making adult decisions, and don’t try to say they were on their own. You and dad and the other parents went along with them to the procedure, not encouraging, not against it, y’all were just there.” Justin argued.
I started a cry but I didn’t want Justin to hear. So I kept my voice stable and steady while I cried tears. “Justin, what happened was a mistake. And we are all disturbed by it, mentally and emotionally. I was scared too. I was terrified how your sister would end up. Thank GOD, they learned their lesson.”
“When is Oliver going to ask her?”
“I don’t know honey. I don’t know.”
“You know what I hate the most about losing Charlie?”
“To never know what he really would be like.”