Chapter 4: Platform PiMature


                Harry spent the remaining weeks of the holiday at the Dursley’s, where they Hardly spoke to each other, which was the first improvement, the second, was that he was allowed to sleep in the empty bedroom. On the 31st of August, Harry decided that he needed to speak to Vernon about getting to the station. He went downstairs and into the living room where all three of the Dursleys were sitting

“Err...” Harry said to make his presence known. Dudley screamed like a little girl on a roller coaster and ran out of the room faster than Sonic the hedgehog on steroids. Petunia just turned whiter than a white sheet of paper covered in very white bleach. Vernon, just grunted.

“I need to be at King’s Cross tomorrow to catch the school train.”

Vernon grunted again.

“So... can you take me there.”

“oh, alright then.” Vernon said after several minutes. Harry was about to leave when Vernon said:

“Funny way to get to a wizard school, a train. All the magic carpets out of petrol eh? I’m going to London tomorrow anyway, otherwise I wouldn’t bother.”

“Why are you going to London?”

“The same reason we go to London every year.” Said Vernon mysteriously.

“...Which is why?” Harry Asked. Vernon didn’t answer, Harry went to bed feeling very confused.


                Harry woke up at 6:00 the following morning, but did not go back to sleep, even though he was itching with tiredness, he still had to pack his suitcase, he picked up the bag from Diagonal alley, and threw it into the suitcase. He picked up the cage for the owl which I haven’t mentioned yet, and threw that into the suitcase. He then picked up a load of muggle clothes for relaxation, then he packed his bazooka which he had had ever since he was 6. Maybe he would finally get a chance to use it at school.


                 At 9:30 all four of them were in the car, travelling to King’s Cross. When they arrived, Harry realised something, the ticket which he had been given, said platform Pi. Vernon noticed this as well, the burst out laughing.

“Platform Pi?? Ha, Ok, I’ll leave you to find the train, while I go and do what I do every year in London. Vernon left. Harry started to panic.

“Calm down Harry.” He told himself. “You’re just stranded in a train station miles from home.” Somehow, that didn’t make Harry feel any better. Harry thought to himself, platform Pi, would probably be in-between platform 3 and 4. So he headed over there carrying his suitcase, and luckily there was a guard leaning on the wall between platforms 3 and 4.

“Excuse me.” Said Harry. “Can you tell me where platform Pi is.”

“Platform Pi?” Said the Guard surprised. “You tink yo funny do ya.” Said the Guard, who Harry just discovered was a chav. “Blad, you is one seriously messed up kid. There is no such ting as platform pi, now why don’t ya go home and get yo parents to call a mental hospital.” The guard said more, but harry wasn’t listening, he just saw a group of gingers walking past, and he caught some of there words.

“Come on everyone, Platform pi is this way.” Said what harry assumed was the mother as they all headed to the food area. Harry was beginning to see where this joke was going, and was frankly disappointed at the writer for writing such an obvious pun. Harry followed the ginger family. When they arrived he heard the mother say:

“Right then, Percy you first.”

“Ok then Mother.” Said Percy in a posh voice. He strode forward to the pie shop and asked “Hello, I’d like an apple pie please.”

“What’s your name?” Asked the person behind the counter.

“Percy Weasly.” He said. And then he just vanished. Harry was dumbfounded.

“Fred, you next.”

“I’m not Fred I’m George.” Said one of the other children.

“No I’m George.” Said his twin.

“Really, I thought I was George.

“Nope, I’m George.”

“Oh right, Ok I’ll go.” Fred said, walking over to the pie shop. He did exactally the same as Percy had, except that he asked for a custard pie and said that his name was Fred Weasly. He vanished as well, then his twin went, asked for a Shepherd’s pie, said his name was George Weasly and he too vanished. Harry had no choice, he would have to ask this woman.

“Um excuse me.” Said Harry in a small voice.

“Hello dear.” Said Mrs. Weasly. “First day of school?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s just that I, don’t know-”

“How to get onto the platform? Well, let me see your ticket.” Harry handed her his ticket. “Ah, all you have to do, is ask for a Square Pie, and then when he gets it for you, you say: That Pie are Squared.” If you don’t get that joke, you’re very lucky.  Harry walked up to the counter and said.

“Can I have a square pie?”

“Name.” Demanded the man.

“Harry Potter.”

“One moment.” He said walking off. Exactly a moment later he came back with a square pie. Harry opened his mouth, but he had forgotten what to say.

“Err... That Pie...are Squared.” As soon as he finished saying squared, he found himself in an open space. He looked around and saw the sign: welcome to Platform Pie. He had done it. “ALL ABOARD!”

Shouted the Instructor. Harry walked over to the train, carrying his heavy suitcase.

“Need a hand?” It was one of the twins from earlier.

“That’d be great, thanks.”

“OK, OI FRED, COME AND HELP!” He called.

“I’M GEORGE!” George replied.

“No I’m Geor- oh wait no you’re right. Anyway come and help.”

“OK.” George replied. They Heaved for about 9 minutes, then they finally...managed to lift the suitcase off the ground. It took them another 2 minutes to get it into the train.

“Thanks.” Said harry, wiping his forehead.

“Hang on.” Said Fred, George, no actually it was Fred. “What’s that on your forehead. Are you...?”

“He is.” Said Fred, no George, oh whichever one who didn’t just speak.

“Who?” Harry asked.

“Daniel Radcliffe.”

“No, I’m Harry Potter.”


“Never mind.”

“Oh yeah, you’re that guy who survived the space hopper crash.”


“FRED!!! GEORGE!!!” Called a voice.

“Coming Mum.” One of them called back.

“Well, bye.” Said Fred, George, Frorge, ah whatever. Harry watched them for a while, then climbed onto the train. He found an empty compartment. Sat down, and picked up a magazine which somebody had left there, then put it down after discovering it contained lots of pictures of naked men. He leant out of the window, enjoying the breeze on his face. Just then a pigeon flew above his head and shat on his head. He withdrew, then went to use the on suite shower.


                A few minutes later, he went back to the compartment that was no longer empty, one of the ginger boys were there.

“Oh, hello.” He said, in a shy voice.

“Hi.” Said Harry. “What’s you-”

“Are you really Daniel Radcliffe?” Asked Ron quickly.

“Wha- no, I’m Harry Potter.”

“Oh right, I thought it was one of Fred and Georges jokes, so you’re no one famous.” Said Ron, relaxing a bit.

“Yes I am, I’m Harry Potter for fucks sake.”

“Oh right, you’re that guy who judges the X-Factor, sorry I forgo-”

“NO!!!!!!! I’m the one who survived the space hopper crash.”

“Oh right, yes, of course.” Although he still sounded doubtful.

“What’s Your name?” Harry asked.

“Ron, Ron Weasly.”

“Nice to meat you Ron.” Said Harry. They then started talking about stuff which guys like to talk about: beer, football, girls, football, the length of their penis, football, ect... When the train started moving, Harry looked out of the window, although not leaning out this time. He didn’t know where he was going, but it had to be better than where he was leaving...

The End

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