Harold Attempts to Become a Human Cockroach

Harold tried to imagine a plan in which he could become a human cockroach without drawing the attention of the men with the massive guns who were at present trying to rob the bank.  His head ached terribly, and thoughts in his brain were sludging through the gray matter like army ants trudging through molasses.  Harold wished he was smarter in his everyday life.  That way, he figured he had a decent chance of formulating a great escape plan.  As it was now, he imagined he would end up being shot.  He just hoped the shot would occur in an extremity so that he would have a chance at survival.

He rolled his head to the right, and saw nose-ring girl staring at him.  She was well hidden in her cache, with no room in her hideaway for his bulbous body.  He was disappointed, because he could not fathom a plan which would bring the spotlight to nose-ring girl and away from him.

He rolled his head to the left, and saw a vacant space beneath an enormous table.  He could hide under the table until the police came in and told him it was safe to extract himself from under said table. 

Mindful of his horribly aching head, he ever so slowly rolled his body onto his bulbous body onto his well-padded stomach and began to commando-crawl to the table, to his safety.  Unfortunately, his pocket change fell from his pocket and unto the tile floor.  The impact of change against floor made an obscene amount of noise, Harold thought.  Everyone, including the bank robbers, stopped.  He had brought more unwanted attention to himself at a time it was crucial for him not to do so.  

He debated whether to continue crawling to the safety of the table or whether he should stop crawling, curl into a fetal position and wet himself again.  Perhaps bank robbers are repelled by urine like mosquitos are repelled by citronella.  Unlikely, but it could be true, thought Harold.  The bank robbers may be sympathetic to a grown man who is willing to use urine as protection.

As he was pondering his next move, he felt a crushing weight on his back.  It made him stop in his tracks.  He decided the fetal position was now out of the plan since he could no longer form his carcass into the fetal position.  He realized the heavy weight on his back was a boot, and someone was holding him down with a booted foot.  Harold fainted again.

The End

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