It wasn’t supposed to go like this.
Holding a half drank bottle of champagne in my hand I examined the ruins that was my wedding reception, well what was meant to be anyway, the whole day didn’t even get started in fact, didn’t even have a chance.
Walking through the beautifully set out tables, double layered tablecloths in alternating colours of caramel and gold. Tiny congratulations confetti sprinkled on the top, each place set out perfectly, a calligraphy written name tag with handcrafted party favours, tiny silk swans holding a box with either a pair of silver cufflinks for the men or bracelet for the women.
Attention to detail, as always been my thing, I pay close detail to everything picking out it faults and an imperfection until it is just perfect. Alto I think that’s maybe why my fiancée of 5 years decided to sleep with and consequently run off with my ‘best friend’.
Just perfect isn’t it.
I slowly turned my head in the direction of my mother, she looked quite beautiful today, light golden hair tied loosely in a French bun dotted with tiny pearls that interlaced around it, and the delicate silk dress shed bought from coast only 2 days ago, forever the procrastinator my mother, yes she did look lovely but it’s a shame nobody got to see her.
Gently closing the heavy oak doors that led you into the reception room, she walked hesitantly towards me as if walking on eggshells, afraid that any slight noise would send me jumping out the window like a startled deer.
“I’m fine mum, honestly” the catch in my voice gave me away; I was never a very good liar.
Gently touching my arm she tried to guide me out of the way she came in, “look flower I think its best we get out of here, don’t you?”
“But” I replied unable to quite finish “it’s all I have left”
Sitting in my two person white ceramic bath with a whole bottle of lavender bubble bath in it, I hoped the soothing fragrance would ease the ache that had set in to my head. Although it had been there for three whole days and I highly doubted that a 45-minute bath would cure it.
Closing my eyes I slid further down in to the hot bubbly water until my hair and ears were submerged hearing the thumping muffling in my ears, I thought about what my life was like two weeks ago, a future, a fiancée, a best friend.
Oh god im so pathetic
Stepping out of the now luke warm water, drying and covering myself in the biggest fluffiest bathrobe I could dig of my wardrobe, I padded down my wood panelled floor to my kitchen, my favourite room in the house, I loved to spend hours in here perfecting recipes and making a mess.
I loved to cook for him, HIM.
I could barely say his name in my head never mind out load, the very thought of him sent a searing pain through me, so real it almost blinded me.
Catching my breath as the all to familiar feeling spread through me I caught hold of the counter as I swayed on my feet, trying to stop the room and my world from spinning out of control.
I needed it; I needed my control to keep me sane.
Breathing deep and holding it until I could almost feel my lungs about burst I blew it out slowly,
I’m stronger then this.
Straightening and smoothing down my dressing gown I marched with some degree of purpose to my bedroom, opened the wardrobe and prepared my self for what I knew to be the hardest day to come.