I hate it when she does that... I know she's upset and I know she's angry, but she never thinks about how I might feel. Still that's me isn't it, noone ever thinks about how I may feel, but that's how it should be. Funny thing is, I'm so wrapped up in how my sister is, how my mother is, and my mind is always so busy that I never have time to dwell on how I'm feeling. Im selfless but it only feeds my pain.
But her words cut through me. Gone where the days when I could hug my sister and take away all her problems, when she'd come over and sit on my bed and we'd chat through the night. Gone where the days when she would tell me everything, when we were best friends. She'd grown up and I hadn't even realised.
But my real concern was for mum. Her last sister had died, Aunt Jaine and now Aunt Marie and with Dad away at war on the front line, I wasn't sure how she could cope if something happened to us.
Somehow I'd drifted into my lesson and sat down. I sensed someone sit next to me. I was used to this, new starters always sat next to me, usually girls who tried to engage with me in conversation but I just blanked them out, blanked everything and they gave up and moved away. Now I barely even noticed their existence. I wasn't much of a socialite, above everything that was happening in real life... off in my own world were I looked upon everything trying to make things brighter, trying to take away the darkness from the world. Thing is, when the suns busy warming everyone else up, who warms up the sun?
Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.
It was from the play Cymbeline by Shakespeare, the funeral scene were his daughter is believed to be dead, it keeps playing through my head.
"Chemical equation of photosynthesis," I heard someone whisper and nudge my elbow.
"Oh, er... carbon dioxide plus water plus light energy equals glucose and oxygen," I said.
"Yes Mr Starright, next time pay attention, you wont always have Selene here to help you," she smirked at me wickedly.
"Maybe if you actually said something that could keep my attention I wouldn't be this bored!" I snapped back, hearing the class ooooh. I wasn't really the talk-back-to-the-teacher type like my sister but she had crossed the line there.
Her face went red, "do not talk to me like that," she shouted and almost impaled her pointer in the SmartBoard.
"Thanks," I whispered, turning around to see the new arrival.
It was a girl but unlike any I'd ever seen. She had blonde hair, that fell in curls, so light it was almost silver like her eyes which were cold and calculating. She had the look of a Greek woman with a face that denied cuteness favouring a sort of mature beauty with prominent cheekbones. I sensed a deep dislike within her for me that went beyond who I was, battling with her first impression towards me. It was disconcerting.
"I am Selene," she smiled coldly.
"Cymbeline," I smiled back and turned away, placing my head in my hands, drifting away again.
"you're a curious boy," her words cut right through my dreaming like a sharp arrow.
"You don't know me," I retorted and she half-laughed.
"Yes I suppose I don't know you, but from what I've seen, you are very intriguing and carry such a distant sorrow in your eyes..."
I sighed, I couldn't take this, I hate people trying to psycho-analyse me, mum had sent me to a shrink once. I hated people inside my head.
"My aunt just died," I realised that came out alot colder than it should've.
"I see," that was it, no oh I'm so sorry for your loss. No, awww poor you, shall I treat you like a two year old. I liked that, "I'm sure you'll be fine, you look like someone used to this sort of thing," and that was the sad truth to it, I had grown used to people dying and it didn't bother me like it should... but my sister felt every death, and whether she knew it or not, wanted it or not, she needed me.
The bell rang and I realised I had to go chase Chan, and I knew exactly where she would be.