Hairy picks up his school equipment and learns about his terrible terrible past

Once Dumbo had finished galumphing and oinking in protest, Horrid sat down on the sofa and said gravely,

"Your parents were some of the best wizarding stock I ever met. But they was murdered - brutally murdered by Lord Colderwart."


"Sssh, don't say the name! No-one wants those types of warts!"

"I'm sorry, so this Vul- You-Know-Wart killed my parents?"

"Yeh, that's why yer famous, Hairy, because your hog warts saved you from Colderwart! Always was a bad wart, he was, pity he spread. That's why yer famous."

After a long discussion they went to bed, up early for a sunny trip to Fry-a-scone Alley.

"Here we are, Hairy," said Horrid horridly, looking up at the Beaky Cauldron. "It's a famous place."

They went inside and (Horrid hadn't warned Hairy about this) there was at once a lynch-mob hysteria at Hairy's return to the wizarding world. Hairy didn't understand why they could be so interested in a hairy, warty young Mugger like him.

"Doris Crockery, Mr Snotter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last -"

"H-H-Hairy Sn-sn-sno-CHOO!"

"Oh, hello, Professor Snivel!" said Horrid, pointing to a rather bogey-soaked wizard in a turban, standing away from the crowd. Professor Snivel held out a hand for Hairy to shake - Hairy declined as politely as he could.

"Professor Snivel'll be yer new Defence against the Dark Farts teacher at Hogwash School this year," said Horrid.

"You'll be getting your school equipment I s-s-s -"

"Anyway, gotta dash - rather busy," said Horrid, ducking a projectile-sneeze from Professor Snivel. Doris Crockery wasn't pleased.

"Professor Snivel's never been right, not since he had a Curse of the Bogies cast on him as a nipper," said Horrid.

Fry-a-scone Alley was awash with wizards and Snitches going about their hopping. Hairy heard one Snitch complaining about her purchases: "Dragon blood, seventeen Tickles a pint! What are they playing at?"

"I haven't got any honey, Horrid, how am I to buy my school things?" said Hairy.

"Gringotts, Hairy! Biggest hive in the world! That's where all the wizards and Snitches store their honey! Run by bees, you know. Albus Bumblebee used to lead them - until he decided to teach at Hogwash of course."

After a breakneck journey through the hive, which apparently stretched miles underground,  Hairy collected his honey from his large hexagonal vault and returned to the fresh air with Horrid.

They bought Hairy's equipment under the summer sun, which included a very handsome set of brass whales, four sets of school lobes and an owl that Hairy called Headbig in honour of Uncle Volcano.

"Thanks for your help, Horrid! See you at Hogwash!"

"No problem, Hairy, 'appy to 'elp," said Horrid. "Remember to catch the train from platform nine and three quackers!"

The End

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