Guppies and Triscuits

Silly, meandering and nonsensical story of the goings-on of some guy, with (more than) a touch of the unreal.

A daisy was growing on my head.  I cut it off and threw it out of my apartment window and it landed in a woman's bag.  I quickly ran outside to follow her.  The woman walked into an alley and when I turned into the alley she was gone, but her bag was there.  I looked into the bag and under the daisy was a typewriter and in the typewriter was a letter.  The letter read, "To whom it may concern: please stop looking in my bag".  I quickly pulled away and left the alley.

I walked back to my apartment building and noticed that I had left my window open.  I decided to climb the tree next to my apartment, to see if I could then jump in through the window.  The climb was difficult, but made easier by the tree elves who helped me along the way.  I accidentally stepped on the face of one tree elf who then scolded me to be more careful.

I came to my window and dove right in.  I landed on a shag carpet at the feet of an old man.  It was Mr. Jenkins, my neighbor from below, and it was his shag carpet.  I had jumped in the wrong window.  Mr. Jenkins immediately stepped on my neck and screamed for help.  I grabbed his pant leg and was able to pull him away from my neck.  I turned around and dove back out the window into the tree.

A police officer noticed me and asked me to climb down.  He asked me what I was doing, and I told him I was just trying to go home.  He told me to use the door next time and that using the window was dangerous.  He wrote me a ticket, and then feeling a little sorry for me asked if I wanted a 50 cent coupon for dishwashing detergent that he had clipped from the paper this morning.  I said ok, so he handed it to me along with the $15 ticket.  The ticket was for "unorthodox entry into a building".

I thought that this was a stupid law, so I decided to see if I could change it.  But I didn't know the first thing about how to change a law, so I decided to watch tv instead.  After returning to my apartment -- through the door -- I settled on to my couch and flipped on my favorite show Coney Island Hookers.  Halfway through the episode, my phone rang.  It was Mr. Jenkins asking me to turn down the volume.  It wasn't that loud, but since there was a two foot hole in my floor, there was no sound buffer between our apartments.  I turned the volume down and told him that it wasn't necessary to call, that I could hear him just fine through the hole.

The End

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