Part Two: The Verdict
I blinked. I blinked again. My characters watched me, waiting for my reaction. Even the judge leaned forward in his seat, as if anticipating an impending breakdown during which I would curl up in the foetal position and beg for mercy from whatever gods may have been listening at the time. But I didn’t. Instead of doing the obvious thing, either bursing into tears or sighing and accepting my sentence with what little dignity I still had left, I did something that could only be described as utterly idiotic.
I collapsed on the floor and laughed until my lungs hurt.
When I finally regained control of my lungs, I stood up to find judge and jury gaping at me like fish out of water. I laughed and walked into the centre of the room.
“You dingbats,” I said consolingly, “you poor, deluded nincompoops. You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
As I spoke, some of my wiser characters began to shuffle out of their seats towards the door. The judge, however, was not as keyed in as they were, and his face turned purple as he stood up and glared at me like a half-strangled bulldog.
“What are you saying? I am in charge of this courtroom, and you will be sentenced as I see fit!”
“No I won’t.” I said, smiling innocently and putting on my sweetest voice. “Oh, no I won’t.”
The sounds of swift walking echoed down the aisle, but still the judge wouldn’t move. He gaped as his jury quickened their pace and began to vanish out of the door, trying to maintain a dignified pace while resisting the urge to run for their lives.
“You can’t tell me what to do.” I said, standing up on the table and pointing my finger at the judge. “You can’t tell anyone what to do! Your laws don’t even exist. Why not? Because I say they don’t! And in here, what I say goes!”
Panicked muttering joined the quickening feet as the characters abandoned all pretense of making a stratetic retreat and bolted for the door. I smiled my most evil smile as the last of them vanished out of the door. The judge opened his mouth, but I flicked my fingers and, with a soft “squelch” he disappeared. In his place was a small white rabbit, sitting on the desk, looking slightly bemused and wondering how on earth it had got there. I laughed and reached out to scratch the rabbit’s ears.
“Oh yeah,” I said to myself, laughing as the sound of running feet gradually faded away in the background. I pulled a carrot out of my pocket and offered it to the rabbit.
“Case closed, don’t you think, Mr Judge?"
Mwua ha ha ha ha ...