I sent in a letter accepting the request right away, and got on my computer, my brain buzzing with ideas, but serious ones. My mothers comments still bothered me, but I refused to let her get in the way of my life. I really didn't plan to go. I planned to only see my parent at dinner, then go to my room to click away on my computer.
But that can never happen, right? I was headed straight for a path for my destiny, which was not to write the story, but to live it.
Me and my parents had a HUGE argument, in which they both cried.
It hurt me so much that my own mother and father disliked my future career enough to sob. My mother did not often sob, but she always wanted me to do certain things, and ,my father told me to always do what is best for you, while I always believed to do what is best for the collective.(. My father had a very interesting mind. Everything to him was a game.)
But what was so wrong about what I was doing? I was told that it was useless, that I would never get any money, that Oh my, my little son has done something stupid again looks on their faces. I am not your little son thank you very much! If your little son had a brain, he might decide to go somewhere else. He might decide to go out that front door when we go to sleep tonight, to find his future. Find your future is perfect, because your future is existent, it is just masked. I am going out to find my future, and no one can stop me now that I have the idea in my head.
The car pulled silently out of the drive (believe it or not, my mom's car is silent.) Some things packed in the back. I was going to find Erin. I didn't care that it was midnight. I had to see my friend. Had to talk to her.
So I drive.All of the windows in her house are dark. I think she must have gone to bed, so I knock on the door. No answer. I knock again. I pound. I fish under the mat for the key that she said will always be there. The door opens with a loud creak that makes me sort of shudder.
Up the stairs I go, without even bothering to turn on the lights, but stumbling in the dark.
“ ERIN!?!?!?!? ARE YOU THERE?” she's gone. Maybe she went somewhere. She has to have gone somewhere. But I remember her saying that she was going to be at home tonight. Did she lie? Why would Erin ever lie to me? I am hoping and praying that she lied, but I think that is the least likely of things.
“ERIN!?! where are you?” I say the last part quietly but desperately, my voice almost gone, but my resolve far from it. She must have lied to me. I know she did.Maybe I should have just gone home, but I didn’t. I thought. What else was there to do? Erin used to go to the music department of the college. I heard today they were having a concert. Oh, that was likely, as Erin loves music. You can tell all the joy she feels when she plays it. I wish I could know some of that, but I never started when we had the opportunity to in school.My parents told me it was too expensive, and I was sent back to school with no form. To expensive they said, but you could tell from the looks on their faces that they didn't want to get me started on something they would not encourage me to do.
My parents had one goal with me. They wanted me to grow up and make money, look successful, but that was the one thing I refused to do for them.I was so small, and I would have done anything for them, been in the right programs, hugged them and hoped that at some point they would be proud of me. But I would never become them for that. I still found my love for creativity deep in my heart, and I will never ever let that go. It is the one thing that now drives my life, the hope for the future. So I never got to experience being part of the sound, and it bothered me, but I managed. I watched Erin advance because she was involved and practised a lot. I know she has more of an appreciation for classical music now, and often listens to it with me. The marvels at the clear way in which professionals play, unlike her somewhat squeaky but still amazing performance.
Yes, My best friend must have gone to a concert, and watched the people playing, smiling and imagining the way it feels under a warm light and engraved ceiling, being part of the sound. I smile and head for my car again, just a tiny bit of worry gnawing at my chest, without me even realizing it.